My first memories of music are of my mom putting on The Who’s The Who by Numbers and playing their song Squeeze Box. I remember her taking the album out of the sleeve, putting it on the record player, and then blasting the song.

She then picked me up, and we danced around the room.

No matter how difficult and dark my mom’s life was with being in an abusive marriage, she used music to elevate her. She would smile, laugh, and sing as loud she could. Her free-spirited joy and her love of music washed over me and taught me a powerful lesson:

Music heals.

Over the years, my mom shared with me her love of The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who, David Bowie and a whole long list of musicians. And I took that love of music and incorporated it into my own life.

Music is a window to my soul. I play music to become alive with how I feel and who I am. With millions of songs now available at our fingertips through our phones, gone are the days when I had to hunt down and find music.

I remember going to a Tower Records near where I lived and trying to sing a song to the cashier. “How long until my soul gets it right?” She looked at me like I had two heads. But the song had wrapped itself around my heart and expressed something that I needed in my life.

So I went downstairs into the basement of the store and sang as much of the song as I could to another employee. He thought for a minute and said, “That’s Galileo by The Indigo Girls.”

I bought the CD and played that song over and over and over again.

And so, my love of music continued. Through joy, sorrow, grief, and pain, I’ve used music as therapy and as a safe way of channeling my emotions so that I could process them, overcome a problem, and move on.

Now that I don’t have to carry a Walkman around with extra AA batteries and cassette tapes with my favorite songs shows how far we’ve come with technology. As a kid, we had albums, then tapes, and CDs (than,kfully I skipped the 8-Track phase) and then mp3s to streaming.

I want to share a few songs that have helped me grow to who I am now. Songs that have lifted me up, gave me some hope to see the world beyond today and refilled my cup.

The first song that I think of is The Beatles’ Getting Better. My mom grew up with the Beatles and she shared her love of them with me. Getting Better helps me see that better days are coming and this upbeat song helps me get over a dark day. I’ve sung that song many, many times over the years—after breakups, in hard spots in relationships or just for myself. I love the song because of its upbeat tempo.

The next song I wanted to share isn’t on Spotify. Though there are tens of millions of songs on the service, some groups haven’t worked out contracts with Spotify yet. However, I did find Sweet Honey in the Rock’s Wanting Memories on YouTube. If you are not familiar with this song, I urge you to stop reading and play the video.

Wanting Memories came into my life almost 25 years ago. A friend of mine played it for me and I listened in silence. She played the song for me and shared that it helped her deal with the passing of her mother.

When I hear this song, it transports me to another place. There are so many wonderful parts to this song, but the part that gets me each time is the line: “I know that I am you and you are me and we are one.”

I really get choked up over that line when I hear those words.

I’m reminded that I’m connected to something greater than myself, to God, to those who have gone before me and those who will come after me. I feel comforted by Wanting Memories and it’s a healing salve for me. It’s a good cry of a song.

The next song Hollow in the Ferns is from the movie Far from the Madding Crowd that came out back in 2015, starring Carey Mulligan. The movie is based on Thomas Hardy’s fourth novel of the same name. Hollow in the Ferns is a song about awakening. The cover of the album sets the scene nicely: Carey Mulligan is in the woods with a soldier she has feelings for but isn’t quite ready to take the leap to admit her desire for him.

The song’s strings capture that curiosity and awakening in a way that transcends where I’m at and whatever I’m doing. I like listening to this song as loud as I can and to listen for the echoes from the room where the instruments were recorded. There’s something about the emotional uplifting moment that helps me when I’m having a rough day.

The next song is from the motion picture The Piano. The Heart Asks Pleasure First is a stable of my early 20s. Michael Nyman uses the piano to capture the soul’s longing and hope for love. Holly Hunter and a young Anna Paquin won Oscars for their performances in Jane Campion’s movie and Nyman’s soundtrack cemented the inner emotional turmoil of a young window in a way that is transformative.

I haven’t heard that song in many years and as I play it while writing this blog, I have a big smile on my face. The song reminds me of days long gone by, love past and of my awakening as an individual.

With my growing understanding that music could be medicine for my soul, I gravitated toward songs that would be upbeat, positive and help me define my story. Peter Gabriel’s Shaking the Tree is a song that I play for the women in my life. I think of what they suffered through in their lives and how they still pushed onward. It’s a song that reminds me that the world isn’t about me. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it were not for the sacrifices that my mother made for my brother and me.

I just wouldn’t. She could have decided to stay married to my father. She could have given up, but she didn’t. She chose to take action and to leave. And she used music to help her in life. When we moved into my grandparents’ house, I remember how my mom would go into the basement, turn the stereo up and sing as loud as she could to music. She exorcised her hurt and pain through music.

Now I’m going to take a leap on this next song. I really like Kesha’s music and I’ll get down to her Boogie Feet. Sometimes you just need a song that gets you dancing and to sing along. Can I dance well? No. (My friends used to joke with me and call me “hyper hips” when I danced.) Can I sing? No, not really. But I get up and sing anyway. Moving and singing along to “Boogie Feet” is just pure bliss.

I’ve listened to Kesha’s Rainbow album over and over and I tip my hat to her because I too “boogie because I’m alive.” Love this song and I’m on team #FreeKesha. I believe her and pray that she will win her freedom to make her own music under another (or her own) label.

My last song for today is a new one. My teenage son was taking a shower earlier this week, and I heard him playing (very loudly) a song that I didn’t recognize. I sat at my computer writing and listened to this ethereal voice singing: “I’m way too hard on myself.”

I caught up with my son later, and he told me that he was listening to Dana Williams’ Hard.

Sometimes a song comes into your life because you need it. It’s almost like the universe is sending you a telegram (ah, that’s dated)—or a text.

I’ve only been listening to this song for the last few days, and it’s caused me to reflect. I am hard on myself and worse, I expect those around me to have such high standards that it’s impossible for them no matter how hard they try.

That’s the truth, and it’s a hard truth.

Growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family meant that I took on the behaviors of those around me. I became hyper responsible and that put a nice wall around me. Maybe it’s time I let that wall down and not be as hard on myself.

See what music can do?

Open your mind, allow you to see beyond the here and now and present truths to you that maybe you didn’t want to quite admit.

So these are some of the songs that help me. What songs do you use to refill your cup?

Let me know.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.