I work hard to solve problems, be better, and to grow.

But I learned that sometimes it’s crucial to stop struggling and learn to let go.

That might seem counter-intuitive to you.

If something is beyond my control, I can spin, spin, and spin around trying to solve and fix and convince whatever the issue is to work, but often, the problem is not mine to solve.

If you grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home, you probably have taken on traits that create a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself. For me, I have often poured lots of time and energy into people who could not be there for me emotionally. Another thing I have done over the years is to listen to someone’s problems, thinking that they needed a sounding board to bounce ideas on so that they could solve their problems, but they only wanted to talk about themselves and not change.

I learned this lesson the hard way when I first started dating. I listened to a girlfriend to complain about her family for hours upon hours. She told me that she had decided to make a change. When I saw her a few days later, she had decided not to go down the path she had expressed with me. I realized then that she had only been looking for someone to complain to, and she didn’t want to change and solve her problem.

The amount of energy and time I have wasted over the years in crossing boundaries and allowing myself to be dragged into the emotional mud of someone else’s problem is considerable.

I learned how to put up strong boundaries but also to let go.

Instead of struggling and fighting against something that I could not change or solve, I found that stepping back and letting things go helped to solve the problem.

Some tips that I’ve used along the way to help me is to ask myself:

• Is this really my problem?

• Do I need to set a boundary with a person or a group of people?

• Is someone trying to use me to their advantage?

I like to help and solve problems. But sometimes it’s important that I take a step back and take care of myself.

What situations are you in where taking a step back and letting go would help?

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.