I remember a night when my mom and stepfather had a big argument. I don’t know what it was about because my brother and I were in our room getting ready for bed.

My mom came into our room and gave my brother and me a big hug. She started talking about leaving if that would make things better for all of us, and I didn’t understand the context of why she said those words. She held us tight, and we held her tighter, and my heartbeat fast.

I didn’t want my mother to go. I didn’t know what problem she was going through with my stepfather. I only knew that she needed comfort, love, and security.

In the morning, life had returned more to normal, and no one ever spoke of the night before again. But the memories of my mom’s fear and insecurity stayed with me long after.

As adults, each of us has our memories of growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family. While growing up, when we needed security and love in our lives, we might have gotten the opposite: fear, anxiety, and lack of love.

For me, I found creative ways to adapt and get by, but even decades later, I still deal with insecurity and fear.

It’s easy when people advise on how to deal with such problems. But I find that my way of looking at life has been shaped entirely differently than those around me. Often I feel like I’m an alien walking among humans. Granted, I don’t know if it’s because of my personality type (INFJ) or growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home or if it’s a combination of things.

Yet I do know this. I am not alone. I know that others feel lost, insecure, and deal with anxiety.

I also know that there are proven ways (for me, at least) to help myself in troubled times. The triggers for my insecurity could be anything from work problems, sickness in my family, to fear about a new challenge.

Instead of retreating into myself, I like to think of safety net that I’ve built under me.

I can talk to a therapist, a trusted friend/loved one, listen to music, write in my journal, go for a walk/run, or simply just sit on a bench and enjoy a sunset. I have learned over time what I can do to help me when I’m feeling insecure and worried.

If I have learned anything over the years, it’s that I am not weak for being vulnerable. To say that I struggle with insecurity or am anxious, does not make me less. Instead, I like to own who I am, and the act of writing those words gives me power.

What I shine a light on cannot hurt me.

Speaking truth helps free me.

It’s funny because, as a man, I grew up being told that “men show strength and never weakness.” But that’s not true. Maybe it’s what some people think, but I never found any of those coping mechanisms to work for me.

Honesty, reflection, and building a support network have helped me.

There is no shame in writing that I struggle and have insecurities and fears.

I do not want my children to think that I have it all together and am Superman. I’m not.

I’m flawed, and I’m me.

Just like you. No one else on this planet is exactly like you. Your story, life, and journey are yours and yours alone.

I do not hear to tell you what to do. I can’t know what will or will not work for you. But I can share what has helped me and share that with you.

What you decide to do in your life is your choice because it’s your life.

I think the beauty and power in that statement are so freeing.

It’s easy for me to say that you are special and one-of-a-kind.

But do you know it?

If not, what will you about that?

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