I am hard on myself. I have always held myself up to an extremely high standard. My reasoning is pretty simple: As a kid, I didn’t always have a stable upbringing, so I never knew when the rug would be pulled out from under me.

To deal with that, I fell back on making sure that I did everything I could to take care of myself and my immediate family.

I got great grades in school, worked hard, did my chores, and wasn’t much of a troublemaker (though my brother and I used to clash a lot when we were kids).

I learned at an early age that I needed to work hard to get ahead, but I didn’t take much time to love myself. I liked myself well enough, but I kept putting pressure on what I needed to achieve.

To be honest, I still do that. I push myself too hard.

A few weeks ago my son was playing some music and I heard Dana Williams singing, “I’m way too hard on myself/harder than anyone should be.” The song hit home, and I stopped to look her song up on Spotify and played it.

I admit that I am also hard on myself, and that translates to how I expect others to live up to my own impossibly high standards.

Beneath all of this pushing hard, I work hard to love myself. I work to accept that I can’t do everything all in one day and that making mistakes is okay.

Are you hard on yourself? Do you focus on everything but taking time for yourself?

I don’t mean to say that you should be selfish. No.

I believe that we need to take care of our physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being.

Giving ourselves love is critical.

How to do that?

Simple. I like Gay Hendricks’ recommendation in his book Learning to Love Yourself. The next time you are having a difficult time, stop and tell yourself that you love yourself for that. For example, if you’re worried about losing your job, tell yourself that you love yourself that you’re upset about that. Accepting and embracing the angst/fear/anger that you’re feeling is a great way to ensure that you love yourself.

Try it, and over time it’ll help.

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