I’m afraid. I’m writing this with a heavy weight on me and fear that I may fail. I’m afraid that if I listen to myself and follow my instincts that I'm delusional and will not succeed.

I’m afraid that I’ll not be able to put food on the table for my family and that I should just shut up and go along with the flow.

But there’s a voice inside, the “me” that’s always been there for me. I saw and went through a lot in growing up. These experiences have shaped me to be the man I am today (for better or worse).

I feel this fear to try something new and to follow my instincts because I cannot see the outcome. My upbringing was unstable, and I sometimes didn’t know where things would wind up at the end of the day.

I’m older now, and I have a choice to make.

I can follow my instincts and be true to myself, or I can go along for the ride and stay quiet.

When you’re faced with choices that you’re afraid to make, I find that a deep-rooted fear grabs me. The emotion is strong, and I’m pulled back down with memories resurfacing of me as a little kid. Watching the family dynamics playing out and being powerless to do anything to save me.

I kept thinking: “Why do I feel this impending dread?”

The same feeling of dread has risen on me, but here’s the thing: If I speak about the fear, shine a light on it, I can name it. I can embrace it and pass through it.

I can overcome my fear.

The challenge, though, is that our emotions aren’t a switch. I can’t just decide to not feel fear any longer about this topic. The fear of ebbs and flows.

Some days I’m fine. But there are others when doubt creeps in, I’m tired and feel spent, and external pressures are hitting me from all sides.

That’s when it’s a dangerous time.

I know that I’m not the only person who feels this way. I’m writing this so that you can see that I haven’t cornered the market on “dispelling fear in 5 easy steps.” That’s not how real life works.

Our lives are like quilts makes from the different fabric of our experiences. The light and the dark. The gray and the varied array of a double rainbow.

In the silence of the night, when we are alone, and we wake up from a nightmare, fear grips us. It’s at those low points that we need help. We need to fall back on all the tools in our basket to help us through a difficult time.

As unsexy as they might seem, what helps me are:

• Eating right.

• Sleeping enough.

• I am meditating daily.

• Sharing freely.

The challenge isn’t how to overcome our deep-rooted fears but how to remain balanced in our lives. The fears beat at us when we’re tired and drained. I believe it’s our job to keep ourselves rested and in good emotional balance.

We need to take care of ourselves. Day in and day out.

Lately, I’ve been pushing myself too hard and my fears are gaining on me.

Time to pull back, to rest, to heal, and to be.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.