When you are wrong, admit it. In the heat of the moment, arguments can get hot and heavy, and words are said that are often regretted later.

Take time to reflect, review what happened, and if wrong, go to the person you have argued with, and make amends.

That might be easier said than done.

There are some families that have deep-rooted arguments that have caused people not to speak for years. I hope and pray that that never happens to me.

I would rather be wrong than to lose a family member. Pride can make us do many things, but time is also a great equalizer.

Are there people in your life who you have wronged? Make a list of those people and do a mental inventory of what you have done to them that was wrong.

Then, make amends to them. Sometimes the amends might be harder than you might expect. If someone has chosen to have you out of their life, then you might need to respect that choice. Selfishly, you might want to “fix” the relationship with that person and reach out to them, but if they have asked you not to do that, then respecting their wishing might be the medicine you need to swallow.

When I’ve gone back and learned about the importance of making amends with people, my sponsor in Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous told me that the 8th and 9th steps aren’t about you, it’s about the people you have wronged.

That might mean that we have to let those people go and accept that they’ve moved on.

It’s tricky how after a breakup that you might want closure with someone (or you might harbor a secret wish to get back together with that person), but making amends might mean letting go and accepting that they’ve moved on with their lives.

Having grown up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, the behaviors I learned often were counter-productive to healthy relationships. Since I feared abandonment, I gravitated toward control. The more I feared that someone would leave me, the more I tried to control a relationship. That’s embarrassing for me to admit, and I feel guilt and shame about my behavior.

The hardest thing I’ve had to learn is to work on myself and realize that I would be fine on my own.

Maybe your challenges are different than mine. But I expect that when you read the laundry list from Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous, that you will relate to some things on that list.

Pick one trait that you have, list who you have hurt, and work on making amends.

Saving you’re sorry, and showing someone you’re sorry are two different things. Your behaviors and how you treat someone speaks volumes over the actual words “I’m sorry.”

Remember that.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.