When you love someone, do you love them because you must? Or because you think you can save them? Or help them?

What if you chose to love someone unconditionally but were also strong in your self-esteem and sense of self?

If you grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, love could be complicated. Maybe love was withheld from you by a parent unless you listened to what that parent wanted you to do.

Addiction and dysfunction can wreck a family’s well-being.

And as you grew up and then loved on your own, what you brought to a relationship might be a lot of baggage.

When I was in high school, I had a priest for my religion class. He defined love as “seeing the good in someone and actively wanting that love to grow.”

I always liked that definition of love because love is “patient and kind.” What I think is so important is for us to first love ourselves. That means the complicated parts of ourselves as well as our best parts.

That’s not easy to do on some days.

What I do know is this: If you do not love yourself, trying to love someone else will not fix that hole within. You might think that you’ll be able to do that and then falling in love will solve all your problems, but that’s not the case.

Getting lost and falling in love with love might feel great for a short while, but when you come back down to Earth, it’s going to be a rough road.

For today, what can you do to love yourself? What acts of self-kindness can you work into your daily routine?

When you make an effort to consciously love yourself, so much greatness can come from that. It’s critical that we learned who we are, love who we are, and then shine bright in our daily lives.

I’ve seen so many people sacrifice themselves to love others but never receive love back in return. And with those of us who grew up in alcoholic and dysfunctional families, the energy we put into a love relationship can be a way for us to try and fix the mistakes of the past.

We can’t rewrite history. The only way that I know of overcoming the pain and trauma of the past is by parenting and loving ourselves.

It might sound too simple of a solution, but I hope you will make an effort to do that today (and every day).

Hug yourself, look in the mirror, and say, “I love myself.”

Building up the strength and honesty to truly believe in that love takes time and conscious effort.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.