Sometimes it’s good to take stock of where you are and go back to the beginning.

For me, having grown up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional household, that means that I focus on the first step of Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous:

“We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”

The first step can be a doozy. Why?

I know that there are times in which I think life is going along fine, and then I hit a wall. I choose to live my life by following the Twelve Steps because they are a guide to help me. When my world is falling apart, I focus on the Twelve Steps, and it’s important to know the steps are an easy path to follow. Similar to the stages of grief, you often jump back and forth through the steps.

One day you are working on step eight, and the next, you’re back to step one.

And that’s okay.

I believe it’s important to take stock.

Yesterday I had a difficult day. I struggled with what’s going on in the world due to the Coronavirus pandemic, and I found myself back at the beginning. I focused on the first step and did my best to let it go. But admitting that I am powerless is hard. I like to think that I have everything under control and that if I throw my heart and soul into work that I can make everything turn out okay.

But that’s not true. There are times in which I need to admit and recognize the effects of alcoholism and dysfunction in others, but also in myself.

And that’s where the difficulty comes in.

It’s easy to point the finger at others and see how they have problems. It’s another entirely to realize and admit that I have problems.

One of the more difficult aspects of living in quarantine due to the pandemic with family is that I can see where my faults are (or, more likely than not, my kids will point them out to me).

The hard thing is to admit I’m powerless against the effects of alcoholism and dysfunctional behavior that I grew up with. I try to resist that. Maybe it’s a stubborn thing. Maybe it’s denial. But the more I try to resist, the less I’m able to get back on track.

Once I let go and accept that I’m powerless against the effects of alcoholism and dysfunctional behavior, then I move on to step two:

“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

The second step is where a lot of people drop off and give up because it’s not for them. Many people don’t believe in a higher power or God.

I’m not here to convince you to agree with me and believe what I believe.

I can tell you that I’ve found great peace of mind in letting go and in working the first step and then focusing on a greater power that can help me.

Not everyone wants to work the Twelve Steps, and that’s okay.

If the steps aren’t your thing, my point is simply to go back to the beginning and rediscover why you chose to start your journey of self-discovery and healing.

Whatever that reason is, think about it, explore it, and embrace it.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.