You are going to make mistakes. You are going to fail. The question is: What are you going to do after you make a mistake?

In growing up, I couldn’t count on my father. He not only disappeared from my life, but he also chose not to help support us financially.

I grew up being mistrustful and not knowing where things would go for my brother and I.

Now I’m older and I’ve made my own mistakes as a parent.

In the cycle of dysfunction, a lot changes when you become a parent. I remember what happened to me as a kid and then when I became a parent I found myself in a different role.

Now I found myself waking up in the middle of the night to comfort my children and realized that I had a choice. Either I could repeat the behaviors that I learned as a kid, or I needed to find a way to grow and become a responsible parent. Would I be a father who took ownership and be responsible for my kids? Or would I shirk my responsibility?

As a parent, I’ve made many mistakes. But even before I had kids, I realized that there were different paths for me to take. I chose to get married, and I wanted to raise a family.

Once I made that decision, I needed to figure out who I wanted to be in my relationship. And I also needed to decide what I would do after I made a mistake.

Would I own up to my mistake and then work toward being a better person? Or would I follow the path my father took and use anger and violence?

Each of us will need to make a decision on who we want to be in our lives. We need to figure out not only who we are but who we want to become.

I ask you to, please, have courage. Too often we hurt ourselves by getting caught up in the same pattern of dysfunction that our parents lived through. And then the hurt starts for a new generation.

When I despair and I have made a mistake, I turn to the twelve steps. I turn to the Serenity prayer. And I’ve also turned to therapy.

But there have been times in which I have fallen and need immediate help. The loop inside my head becomes a negative pattern of fear and anger. My anxiety and stress rise up and I can’t see past the current problem.

When I feel that badly, I repeat the Serenity prayer over and over again. And if things are so bad, that I can’t focus too much, I simply say: “Let go and let God.” Inside I struggle with knowing what to do next, how to move past a problem, and how to solve the problem.

For me, the key is to remember to love myself. Over the years, I have built a toolkit and a set of skills to help me get through the difficult times in my life. When you’re in the depths of depression, fear, and worry, it’s hard to see the way out.

I know that. I understand.

The good news is that the work you do each day will help you get through the difficult times.

For today, I invite you to take stock of your life and see what your coping mechanisms are for what you do once you fail. How do you recover? Is it healthy? What work can you do today to prepare for tomorrow’s difficult time?

Sometimes it all starts with loving yourself and using a mantra or prayer (like “Let go and let God”) to help you move on and forgive yourself. It’s not easy, I know. But you can do it.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.