Back in high school, my girlfriend’s coworker was dating a guy who had joined Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). I met him and remember him showing me the plastic key chains that he had collected for each month of sobriety. He had been sober for six months and he showed me his key chains with pride.

At the time, I didn’t really understand how important those key chains were to him, and only later in life did I meet others who had similar achievements in AA.

In my life, I’ve met people with decades of sobriety and have also seen people who have slipped and fallen back into their addiction.

The pain, shame, and self-disgust that I’ve seen people exhibit when they relapse is hard to watch.

As a kid, I used to wonder why people who drank too much couldn’t just stop. I mean, if it hurt them, why not just give it all up? I didn’t understand how difficult some people found that to be.

If you have family members who have problems with addiction, and you grew up around the dysfunctional behavior, your reactions to a crisis or a problem might be dysfunctional as well. If you’ve not read through the Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous’ laundry list, I recommend that you do so.

And be sure to read through the entire page as the “other laundry list” could help you see how you might have overcompensated. Have you become the authority figures we always feared as a kid? Or are you self-centered and lack empathy and compassion for others? Or do you act as if you were never raised in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home?

The good news is that there is help if we persevere. Denial and repression will not solve our problems. Sooner or later we will encounter issues at work or in our romantic relationships.

When I became a father, I realized how challenging it can be to raise children. I made more mistakes than I ever imagined along the way. But there is one thing that I made certain to do: When I made a mistake, I apologized to my son or daughter (or to both of them) and worked on fixing whatever I did so that I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

I am not some magical guru who floats among the clouds and have reached nirvana. That’s just not me. I’m human, make mistakes, and have strengths and weaknesses like everyone else.

What I find critical is self-reflection along with a healthy dose of empathy for others. We don’t read a book and then say, “Well, I know everything that I need to and I’m now never going to make a mistake again.”

I believe in being honest with myself. I had decades of living in a dysfunctional family and I’ve spent decades on my self-growth. I’m never going to reach the end of my journey. There’s not going to be a day when I don’t need to try to be a better person. When I die, that will be the end of my growth (as far as I know).

I believe it’s important for us to persevere because the work we need to do can be hard and take time. We can look at that two ways:

• Be happy that each day we have a new opportunity to grow and be better.

• See life as a slog and let everything pull us down.

It’s easy to remain in denial and think that everything is fine. But over time, patterns will emerge: Maybe you start seeing the same problems happening in your romantic relationships or at work. We can ignore the warning signs (stress, anxiety, worry, anger) and keep on pretending that everything will be okay, or we can take action.

Just as walking to the end of the block doesn’t mean you can suddenly run a marathon, the same is true of your journey to overcome your dysfunctional upbringing. It’s going to take time. How long? I can’t say.

But you will need perseverance and a set of skills to help you deal with conflict and authority along with learning how to handle stress, anger, and problems in life.

The truth is: The road ahead might be messy. There will be good days, bad ones, and everything in-between. That might not be what you want to hear, but I’ve found that my growth has come gradually over the years.

I’m fine with that because it means that I’ve grown over time. For today, I invite you to take a few minutes and reflect on where you are in your life, why you picked up this book, and to re-commit to the journey ahead. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere other than where I am today. Each day I grow a bit more. Little by little, we will grow. It takes time.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.