Part of the challenge those of us who grew up in alcoholic and dysfunctional families is navigating who we love and who loves us. As kids, we might have had parents who could not love us unconditionally due to addiction. Maybe they withheld love from us unless we went along with what they wanted, or they went through mood swings (loving us one moment and then getting angry at us minutes later).

Learning to give and receive love might have been a big challenge for us as we grew up.

How can you trust someone to love them if they promise you one thing but then turn on you the next?

I remember the promises that my father made to me as a kid, but then after my mom and he divorced he quickly faded from my life. I’d hear stories about him over the years, and none of them were good.

For the first few years, I waited for him to come to see me at Christmas or my birthday, but over time he faded away like a ghost from my life. I learned how to love as best I could but find that it was helpful to armor up when hurt.

In moments of stress, I can close up like a clam and go into protection mode.

It’s how I coped as a kid, and over the years I did my best to love others.

The psychological damage done to you as a kid can last through your life, and it can be embarrassing to feel confused about your feelings from events that took place many years ago.

What to do?

Today, think about who you love and why. I also invite you to take time to love yourself. The foundation of all that you do begins with your own self-esteem and how you take care of yourself. If you do not love yourself and focus on self-esteem, you’ll continue to have challenges with love.

In my life, I have fallen to infatuation and to wanting to “fix” someone else because I “loved” them. Have you fallen into such traps in the past? (Or are you doing the same thing now?)

It’s never easy to admit the problems we have and the challenges we’re living through.

Today, take time to reflect on who you love and why.

Are you happy? If not, then you can change that. It all starts with you. Baby steps.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.