All is going fine. I’m working hard, doing my daily meditation, focusing on my self-care, and then, seemingly out of the blue, a small event happens, and I lose my temper and lash out.

Has this ever happened to you?

Growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, I often had to go along with situations that I had no control over. I learned that it was better to remain quiet, ride the wave of dysfunction, and ignore what I saw. But time and time again, I could only take so much, and would then lose my temper—often at someone or something that had nothing to do with the original problem.

Ever have a problem at work and then come home and fight with your spouse over something stupid?

What’s going on there?

I find that there are two things that could be taking place. I’m either avoiding conflict by repressing how I feel, but also not practicing having strong boundaries. If I keep saying “yes” to everything being asked of me, I’m eventually going to resent being a pushover, and my anger will spill over.

About a year ago I hear Alice Merton’s song “Lash Out” and I recommend that you give it a listen.

If we want to stop lashing out, then we need to face our emotions and our problems. But maybe you’re not a person who lashes out and you think that you have everything under control.

I would ask that you take stock of how you deal with problems and conflict. Are you internalizing the conflict or redirecting your anger into drinking, overeating, or some other stimulate?

Some people lash out while others internalize and repress.

No matter how you handle problems, the key isn’t just focusing on meditation but learn healthy ways to deal with conflict and to set boundaries. If your work keeps asking you to take on more, you can say no. Or maybe your spouse is taking advantage of you and assumes that you’ll handle all the childcare. Or your mom is trying to guilt you into doing something that she wants, but you don’t want to. The list can go on and on. At the end of the day, how you handle stress in a healthy way is critical.

Instead of going along like a pressure cooker and eventually lashing out, take time to identify how you feel, use a journal to write them out, and work on talking about your problems and how best to solve them.

Conflict resolution is a challenging skill to learn and takes time to learn.

But step one is identifying how you feel and learning how to say no.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.