A friend of mine told me a while back that when someone touches her unexpectedly, she still recoils involuntarily in fear. She went through a really difficult time and grew up in an alcoholic family. Many years have passed, but she still reacts when the memories of the past are triggered.

I can identify with that. Even though it’s been decades since I was a kid, I still am affected by that time.

My friend told me that she gets upset and is frustrated that she still struggles years later.

I think that when we look at our childhoods and remember the pain and suffering that we lived through, that we be easy on ourselves. Compassion and love are needed.

When I was in my 20s, I had a really difficult time and was hard on myself. I thought that I should have grown past all the pain and moved on, but that’s not how things are.

I’ve learned to accept what happened to me and to focus on self-love. I realized that I needed to give compassion and love to myself first, as I often spent a lot of time searching for completion in other people. I grew up thinking that I had been broken and needed fixing. To feel better, I fell in love with being in love. I lost myself in infatuation and the drug of feeling happy while in love worked for a while, but my relationships would fall apart because I didn’t have the skills and the foundation of a solid self-esteem to be fully present in a relationship.

I made many mistakes, and I have tried my best to make amends for them.

Now I understand that self-care (boundaries, rest, eating right, exercise, etc.) is a lifelong process. Just as I can’t eat one healthy meal and then say, “Well, that’s done and I never have to do that again,” the same is true with being compassionate and loving toward myself. We need to build up our self-esteem every day.

We can’t just coast and think that boundary setting, taking care of our bodies, and our mental health just happens on its own. We need to make choices each day to do that.

Living a healthy life doesn’t have to be overwhelming. But we do need to make choices each day to be better and to love ourselves.

How? Daily affirmations, meditation, practicing the twelve steps, yoga, exercise, reading self-help books, going to therapy—the list goes on and on. Find a few activities that you love and work for you and then weave them in your day. Spending 1-minute reading daily affirmations in front of the mirror each morning doesn’t take up a lot of time, but can help you set a clear intention on the day.

For today, pick one thing that you find helpful on your self-discovery journey and add it to your day. Once finished, give yourself a hug.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.