A friend recently shared an article entitled “The Role of Cognitive Dissonance in the Pandemic.” As described in The Atlantic article, Cognitive dissonance “describes the discomfort people feel when two cognitions, or a cognition and a behavior, contradict each other.” Here’s an example: A husband justifies his wife’s excessive drinking by saying that she works hard.

Holding two competing thoughts in our head at the same time, can be challenging and not something that we want to do.

Right now in America, people are arguing over whether to use masks to help the spread of the coronavirus. When people become invested in their own beliefs, over time, it becomes more difficult to change our minds. We don’t want to be wrong.

We want to get behind what we think is right, believe we’re good people, and move on. What’s hard here is that we’re in a complicated time.

If we look at our lives, what beliefs are we willing to question and be open to change? One other example is the systemic racism in American culture. As a man who grew up in a white family, I had certain privileges that black people did not (when I was younger, I didn’t know that Black families in the 1950s were denied mortgages because of the color of their skin). Now I need to be open to changing my beliefs that directly conflicts with my upbringing.

What does cognitive dissonance have to do with you?

Are you willing to hold two competing thoughts in your mind? If one of your parents is an active alcoholic, can you hold the thought that they are still your parents but that does not excuse their behavior? You can still love someone, but not like some of their actions.

Or even more challenging: Where do we need to grow? What if we challenge our lifelong beliefs about sexism, racism, or even more revolutionary: what if we question our own behavior on how we treat those we love?

Are we passive aggressive, codependent, emotionally abusive, or exhibit other behaviors that we learned from growing up in an alcoholic family?

The cognitive dissonance of loving ourselves but having acted badly might be difficult to embrace. Take a step back, love yourself, but be open to seeing all of yourself. That’s how we grow.

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