I knew at an early age that I wanted to grow up and be a father. Although my father wasn’t there for me, I wanted to have kids and to be a father. I didn’t want to be a distant father but wanted to make certain that my kids had me there in their lives. The choice of whether to become a parent is not an easy one.

If alcoholism and dysfunction marred your childhood, there’s a moment when you need to make a decision on whether being a parent is right for you. Maybe you decided not to become a parent, and maybe you did.

What I’m finding is that no matter the choice, most of us will fall into the parental role at some point in our lives. Either we’ll have kids, or we’ll need to parent our parents.

That might sound strange, but as health issues become more prominent in your parents’ lives, you might be called upon to help out.

Roles will become reversed. Of course, not everyone will take on a parental role, but I’ve been surprised to hear how many of my friends have had to accept this responsibility.

When you’re put in that position, how will you handle it? You might have mixed emotions and conflicting responsibilities. If you have children and are trying to raise them and your parent needs help, you might quickly find yourself overwhelmed.

Remember that avoiding enmeshment is critical to your own well-being. Boundaries are still necessary. But that’s easy for me to write, how easy is it to put into practice? If your parent needs to move into your home, the family dynamics within your household will shift dramatically.

On the day that I became a parent, I held my son close to me and made him a promise. I wanted to be a good dad and that meant learning how to parent myself first. The work that I’ve put in over the years has allowed me to grow and mature into the person I am today. Sure, I’m flawed, have my quirks, but I’m uniquely me. I am who I am and I love that.

As you learn to work through the pain and hard times you had in growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, take a moment to be thankful for who you are today.

Whether you decided to have children or not, at some point you still need to come to terms with your own parenting issues. If your biological parents were not there for you, then the work falls on you to self-parent.

Have you been hard on yourself all these years?

Do you push yourself too hard or critique yourself harshly?

Think about how you judge yourself and think back to your childhood. If you could do something different with how you were raised, why not do that today?

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.