What role did you play in your alcoholic/dysfunctional family?

Were you the hyper-vigilant and responsible one? Did you withdraw and hide? Or were you the joker and rebellious?

Understanding the role you played in your family and comparing that to your role today will help you decide where you want to go on your journey of self-healing.

It’s easy for us to fall into old patterns and not deal with how we’ve been hurt or how our coping mechanisms have stunted our emotional and psychological growth.

I grew up as the oldest child who learned at an early age that my mother expected a lot of me. She came to me and told me that I was the “man of the family” after my father and she divorced, and I took that role seriously. Too seriously.

I learned at an early age that if I wanted something in life, then I needed to work hard for it and that I couldn’t necessarily count on those around me. I relied on myself.

But as I grew older, I realized that being self-reliant is not necessarily a good thing. Collaboration and team work are critical in the workplace and often within the family dynamic.

I can pretend that I can do everything on my own, but I’ll burn out faster, miss out on building strong relationships with those around me, and if not careful, could fall into the martyr role.

To grow and become self-actualized, take time today to think about how you acted as a kid and compare that behavior to how you act now. Once you do that, you can now ask yourself a simple question: Are you happy with whom you are?

So many people try to numb themselves from pain. You can run, try to hide, but untreated trauma from growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family is insidious. Instead of hiding from the pain, ignoring it, or numbing it, a good place to start is through acceptance.

Know your role, accept it, and embrace your past. This exercise isn’t meant to shame you, but help you define the behavior you fell into in order to survive.

The good news is that knowledge is power. Self-knowledge starts with you. Today, use your gifts and reflect on who you were, who you are today, and then work toward who you want to be for tomorrow.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.