When you do not wish to do something, simply say “no” or “no, thank you.”

And then move on.

There’s no need to give a long explanation to defend your point-of-view, to have a thesis prepared on why you do not wish to do something or to pretend that there’s another reason.

If you choose to stop drinking alcohol, and you’re out with friends and they offer you a drink, there does not need to be a big defense of your decision.

What other people choose to do and what you do can be separate and that’s fine.

True friends will accept your decision of “no” and let it go. Those who push back against your boundaries and try to persuade you to do what they want you to do have questionable motivations.

The same is true with family members.

As the saying goes: “No means no.”

“No” can be a complete sentence.

How often do you allow others to push you toward making a decision that’s different really want?

And remember that the converse of saying “no” is also true.

When someone says “no” to you, respect their boundary.

Sometimes you will be angry and not understand where the person is coming from, but take a moment, be empathetic, and back off.

In growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, boundaries are tested, weakened, and violated. Enmeshment and codependency then form and the family dynamic is soured.

Enforcing our will on others or having others control us wrecks trust, disperses love, and weakens relationships.

As we go about our lives, we need to develop healthy detectors for what is and isn’t healthy for us.

When children are growing up are need to make a decision, they often ask their parents: “What would you choose?” Take the question and flip it back at them and ask: “What would you like?” If they can’t decide on what to order at a restaurant or what color shirt to buy when they’re young, those early testing grounds become the foundation for building a healthy and sound self-esteem.

Instead of asking ourselves “What do I want?”, why not ask “Is this healthy for me?”

As individuals, we need time to build up a list of experiences to solidify our self-esteem and the relationships between our dysfunctional childhood and our present adulthood.

Once we learn what is healthy for us (and this takes time), then we can speak our truth and say “no.”

If we only say “yes” to what feels good and do not learn to differentiate between the instant gratification that we might want and what’s truly healthy for us, then we will spiral out of control and become selfish or even narcissistic.

It’s never too late to start learning and to practice saying “no.”

The trick is finding a well-balanced life between a “yes” and “no.” Too much of either isn’t healthy for us. Finding the middle road can be tricky and takes time. Nothing in life is truly 50/50. What works in one circumstance might not work in another.

For today, when you want to say “no”, do it, and then let it go. No explanation is needed.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.