Let Go and Be Free
Discover tips on self-healing, overcome a dysfunctional childhood and find happiness.
The paradox of our lives is that we both are the same person but grow along the way. Not sure what I mean? Take a look at a picture of yourself from when you were a kid and look at yourself now. You might see hints of what you looked like then in your present look, but maybe not.
You’re still the same “you” but you’ve transformed in someone more mature.
Yesterday the company I worked for the last eight years laid me off via a video conference call on Zoom. I was told that my position had been eliminated.
What a surreal moment to be talking to people via a video screen and to learn of such news! I’ve never been laid off before in my 25 years of working.
Back in high school, my girlfriend’s coworker was dating a guy who had joined Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). I met him and remember him showing me the plastic key chains that he had collected for each month of sobriety. He had been sober for six months and he showed me his key chains with pride.
At the time, I didn’t really understand how important those key chains were to him, and only later in life did I meet others who had similar achievements in AA.
At the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, my daughter and I took a few minutes each day to learn how to shoot a basketball. I watched a YouTube video that taught us how to stand, hold our arms, and then shoot for the net. I can’t remember if my daughter said it first, or I did, but we started saying “picture the arc” to the other person when it was their turn to shoot.
I’ve gone through bouts of loneliness in my life in which I felt as though no one cared for me or could understand me. But I’ve also have had times where I chose to be alone.
As a child of an alcoholic/functional family, I wanted nothing more than to be loved and to find people who could understand me. I feared abandonment and did anything I could to not to be alone. As an adult, I hated not being in a relationship. I didn’t want to be a third wheel when out with friends and longed to find someone who I could talk to and share my life with.
There are going to be times when you wake up and you might feel overwhelmed with a bunch of problems. The challenge during times like these is seeing outside what’s all around you.
We all go through rough times in life, but sometimes it feels like the world is against us. Months before my son’s birth, I lost my grandfather in January, grandmother in March, and father-in-law in May. Late that summer my son came into the world and the months prior to his birth hit my family hard.
One of the difficult challenges to deal with being on a self-discovery journey is that you might need to go on the journey alone. Your family, friends, and even your spouse might choose to not want to accept that you’re trying to change.
They might treat you the same way and could even give you a difficult time for wanting to change.
When we look back at 2020, I’ll wonder what we’ll think. We started out the year with the US attacking Iran and for a few short days, we thought war would break out. Then we saw the Australian brushfires spread across the continent down under and how people became sick from how thick the smoke was from the fires. Next the coronavirus pandemic spread across the world and as I write this in June, protests have broken out across America as various groups march against police brutality and the death of George Floyd. The protests are spreading and growing to encompass people wishing to ban the confederate flag and pull down statues of former slave owners all across America.
I make time for my family, work, for volunteering, watching TV, writing books, and a whole host of other things. But am I making time to commit to myself? For today, are we making time to commit to do the work we need to do to help us live a healthier life?
How much time and effort do we spend on others?
Do we focus on our family and work, but have so little time for ourselves?
Today we live in a polarized world. One side is yelling at the other side and there are problems everywhere you look. For today, take time to look yourself in the mirror and ask: Is it true?
I have seen and lived through people’s behaviors that are unhealthy and wrong. But I found that no one else would say anything and people would just act normally.
I wish people would take more time to be compassionate and empathetic. Ego, selfishness, and concern for ourselves and for only those who believe what we believe are the rule of the day.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family and went through some really difficult times as a kid. What has helped me to grow is learning about the world outside my house?
Thirty years ago I traveled to France to take part in a three-week study abroad program. I took a loan out from the bank and my mom cosigned the loan for me. I was a teenager at the time and I paid every cent back to her.
When I went overseas, I quickly realized that my way wasn’t the only way. Parisians dressed, talked, and ate differently.
I learned and experienced a whole new culture. While I studied in Paris, the people I met there took me in, embraced me, and were even willing to speak English when my French failed me.
Decades have passed and much has changed with the world. But I imagine how horribly we are today to people not like us.
When we see someone who doesn’t speak English, we don’t make an effort to communicate with them in their language. We actively see other people as wrong and hurtful. We are all filled with our prejudices and lock ourselves within silos and are comfortable living there.
Go volunteer to feed breakfast to the homeless one day. Or take part in a community celebration that is based on a different tradition or religion that you are part of. Step out of your normal life and open up yourself to be compassionate and empathetic.
I have seen many people call themselves Christians, but they do not act like Christians. What I always admired about the stories of Jesus in the bible is that He embraced the downtrodden. He helped the poor and the sick. He championed those in need.
When I have stepped out of my shell and opened my mind, I’ve grown to be a better person. To have compassion and empathy do not make me weak.
Last year I volunteered at a homeless shelter a few days before Thanksgiving and helped serve food to people in need. The line for a hot plate of food stretched halfway down the block. I greeted people of all races and religions and helped them find a seat and a plate of food. When they spilled their coffee, I helped them clean it up.
And as I did so, so many people turned to me and asked for a paper towel. The organizer told me that I had to be careful because I would soon give out all the paper towels and have none left for the staff. Something as simple as a paper towel was treated like gold for the people I served that day.
To have compassion and empathy helps us see that we are all part of the same human race. I make mistakes, as do you. We are not perfect.
But our ability to be empathetic and compassionate is not endless. We need to remember our boundaries. If we do not take care of ourselves, how can we help another? The same is true with compassion and empathy. We need to be compassionate and empathetic to ourselves too.
I invite you to take a step out of your comfort zone and go explore your world. Can you volunteer at your church or at a homeless shelter? Can you attend a different religious service? Or go to a community event that celebrates a different culture than what you grew up in?
Love, be compassionate and have empathy.
The world so needs more of these things.
