Let Go and Be Free

Day 258: Sit with Calmness

Day 258: Sit with Calmness

Are you addicted to excitement, chaos, and uncertainty? Are you so used to dysfunction that your natural response is to always be in crisis mode? Maybe you’ve gravitated to a work environment that was like that or your family life is constantly filled with problem after problem?

I remember growing up in chaos and confusion. To adapt, I did everything I could to be on hyper-alert, ready to adapt, adjust, and be flexible. But you can’t live that way all the time. Being in disaster mode is great if you’re in a disaster, but not every day.

Day 256: You Are Needed Here Right Now

Day 256: You Are Needed Here Right Now

I stopped at the red light, scanned the surrounding area, and took a moment to relax. I had dropped my mom off at home after we had a socially distant lunch. My mom doesn’t drive, so I picked her up and she sat in the back seat with her mask on, I drove with my mask on, and I had the windows down. I prayed that I didn’t have the coronavirus and that the precautions we took would be enough.

Day 255: Cognitive Dissonance

Day 255: Cognitive Dissonance

A friend recently shared an article entitled “The Role of Cognitive Dissonance in the Pandemic.” As described in The Atlantic article, Cognitive dissonance “describes the discomfort people feel when two cognitions, or a cognition and a behavior, contradict each other.” Here’s an example: A husband justifies his wife’s excessive drinking by saying that she works hard.

Day 252: Acting Like Everything Is Okay

Day 252: Acting Like Everything Is Okay

In the “other laundry list” on the Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous website, they list the following trait that many of us struggle is: “We act as if we are nothing like the dependent people who raised us.”

I have seen time and time again people who grew up in alcoholic/dysfunctional families grow older and put the past behind them and think that everything is all okay. We struggle as kids, grow up and promise that we’ll be better, and then go through life as though everything is fine.

Day 251: Why Aren't You Asking for Help?

Day 251: Why Aren't You Asking for Help?

I grew up knowing that if I wanted something done then I needed to do it myself. I learned to be scrappy, creative, and to work hard. But the flip-side of my “can do” attitude was to take on more than I was responsible and to trust only on myself.

If you also grew up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, do you ask for help or do you prefer to do the work on your own?

Day 250: You Are Exactly Where You Need to Be

Day 250: You Are Exactly Where You Need to Be

I have a difficult time dealing with uncertainty and our lives are filled with that today. Recently, I came across a prayer that is attributed to St. Therese of Liseaux (though some believe that Minnie Louise Haskins is the actual author). Here are the opening lines to the poem:

“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be.”

Day 249: Even After All This Time

Day 249: Even After All This Time

A friend of mine told me a while back that when someone touches her unexpectedly, she still recoils involuntarily in fear. She went through a really difficult time and grew up in an alcoholic family. Many years have passed, but she still reacts when the memories of the past are triggered.

I can identify with that. Even though it’s been decades since I was a kid, I still am affected by that time.

Day 247: Let Go

Day 247: Let Go

I want to share a story with you. I’m out of work, the coronavirus pandemic is still raging in parts of the US, and my wife and I are trying to figure out what to do about our kids going to school in the fall. We have to make a decision about our kids and schools within 7 days.

I’m worried, stressed, and trying to figure out how to land work to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads.

Day 246: Family Secrets

Day 246: Family Secrets

If you grew up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, then I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re holding onto some family secrets. Maybe one of your parents drank and no one ever told you to remain quiet, but you learned to be embarrassed and ashamed of your family upbringing.

But drinking or substance abuse may not have been the only secrets you kept quiet about. Maybe there was domestic violence or sexual abuse.

Day 244: Instant Gratification

Day 244: Instant Gratification

Modern American society praises instant gratification and personal gain. All day long commercials on TV bombard viewers with special diets, products, and services that promise to solve all sorts of problems and to grant nearly miraculous results. Just hand over your credit card number and all will be well.

Let’s take a step back. In 1972, psychologist Walter Mischel ran a test out of Standford that has since be named the “Marshmallow test.” Mischel offered a child a marshmallow that they could eat immediately or two small rewards if the child waited to eat the marshmallow. Over the course of the study, Mischel’s study showed that the children who waited to eat the marshmallow wound up having better life outcomes.

Day 243: Power and Control

Day 243: Power and Control

As a kid, I lived in a dysfunctional household and I swore that I would do everything within my power to never put my kids through a similar environment. What I didn’t understand though is how pervasive and destructive an alcoholic/dysfunctional environment could be.

I went from feeling powerless as a kid to growing up and wanting to control my environment. I became what I feared the most.