In growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family, I have seen the same patterns repeat time after time over the years. However, when you look at those around you, do you assume that you know the people close to you in your life?
Day 346: Embracing Acceptance
Day 345: Death and Reconciliation
There will be a day when the people who hurt you pass on. Maybe it’s a parent, a sibling, or a dear friend. If you grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family like me, the pain that you carry with you can last decades. The specter of the past lives within, hides, and then comes out when I’m tired, weak, and afraid.
Day 344: Take the Next Step
Have you ever wanted a better future, but when the opportunity comes you stress out on it? You spin and spin with the ideas running through your head and you don’t know what to do. If you stay where you are, you’re at least comfortable and have memorized the patterns of what will happen in your life. You’ve learned how to build space around the dysfunctional and have made a sort of home. Maybe it’s your job or your marriage or your relationship with your family.
Day 343: Security and Abandonment
As a kid, all that I really wanted was to feel secure. I wanted security in my home, having a safe family life, food, clothing, shelter, and love. I wanted not to be abandoned but to know that both my mother and father were there to take care of me.
But that wasn’t the case. My parents divorced when I was young, and I only saw my father a few times after that.
Day 342: Money
I grew up in a family that did not have a lot of money. After my mother and father divorced, my mother, along with my brother and me, moved into with my grandparents. We had tough times after the years, and I remember my mom telling me that she needed to take my bank account savings to help pay for bills.
Day 341: Our Greatest Strength
Day 340: Rage
When you are struggling with rage, it’s a challenging time. Maybe you are angry at yourself or you lash out on others. Yesterday I discussed how to deal with someone you love has a drinking problem.
You may have been promised and sworn to that the person would never drink again, but what happens when they fall?
Day 339: When Someone You Love Has a Drinking Problem
It could be your mother, father, spouse, or one of your kids, but when someone you love has a drinking problem, you might want to come in and try to solve their problem. You can offer support, books, stage an intervention, but the truth is not easy to hear: There is nothing you can do to save the person you love.
You can throw all your energy and time into trying to help the person, but you can’t solve their problem.
Addiction is not to be trifled with.
Day 338: Believe in Yourself
For today, get up, look in the mirror, and believe in yourself. Believe that you can obtain a goal that you’ve always hoped for. Believe in the fact that you are worthy of love, that you are beautiful, and that you have much to contribute to in this world.
In growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household, how often were your dreams and needs ignored or denied?
Day 337: Be Not Afraid
Back in November 2019, I made a promise to myself: Each day I would write a blog post about my growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family. Instead of being ashamed and afraid to show people who I truly am, I decided to embrace my upbringing and face my fear.
I found a lot of freedom in admitting my past and in living my life openly.
Day 336: You Are a Survivor
You are a survivor. You are not a victim. The pain, suffering, and hurt that you lived through in growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family does not make you weak or damaged. You are not broken and no amount of trying to relive your past in present relationships will ever erase your childhood.
What happened is in the past.
Day 335: It Is What It Is
You cannot change the past. You cannot go back and fixed how you were raised, decisions that your parents made (or didn’t make), and the problems you lived through cannot be erased.
If a parent hurt you (or both of your parents), there is no way to go back in time and undo the damage.
You might want an apology or see that the person who hurt you have changed, but that might never happen.
