Let Go and Be Free
Discover tips on self-healing, overcome a dysfunctional childhood and find happiness.
As I write this, we’re 9 months into the pandemic and I can share at this point that I’ve had all sorts of stress-related dreams (some into full-blown nightmares). People are stressed, cases are higher in my state than they were back in the early parts of the pandemic, and there’s a lot of fear and anger.
People are tired of dealing with the virus and some are lashing out.
All my life I have felt different and apart from others. In growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family, the way I deal with stress and problems is different than others. I’ve always felt apart, alone, and could not understand why so many other people did not seem to have the same problems that I did as I grew up.
Silence doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. I’ve seen people have silence ruin their lives as parents turned the other way to sexual abuse, or ignore addiction or abusive behavior, or refuse to say “I love you” when a child simply needed to feel like they belong.
But silence doesn’t have to be a weapon.
There are days when I wake up and the weight of the world feels like is bearing down on me. Of course, when I take a step back, I can admit that a sense of hyper responsibility is on the laundry list of Adult Children of Alcoholics.
There’s a person I know who has years of sobriety. They were at an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting and an attendee crosstalked and made a comment that angered the person. Normally, they could roll with the punches, but instead they reacted, got really angry, yelled, and stormed out of the meeting.
Back in high school, I recall a day in my homeroom class where the boy behind me grabbed my dress shirt, twisted my nipple underneath it, and tried to get me to cry or call out. I resisted making any sound, stared him down, and didn’t react.
When you meet a bully, they’ll try to get you to react to something that they do to hurt you.
If you grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, finding intimacy and a healthy sex life can be a challenge. Learning how to trust another, find intimacy, and build a healthy relationship is not easy.
To open yourself up to such intimacy, can be a challenge. Learning how to be in a healthy relationship, when you’ve never see one can be difficult.
Do you remember the fights your parents had when you were little? Or the times that someone close to you abused alcohol or drugs and you knew that you should keep quiet? Or for some of you who read this, the times that some touched you inappropriately?
These dark secrets were burned into us to not speak about.
No matter how hard you push, you can’t be perfect. Chasing after perfection is a fool’s errand. It’s also setting you up for failure if you think that you must be perfect.
The pain and suffering that you grew up with as kids in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family hangs over us and is part of who we are. I know that there have been times where I’ve overcompensated and tried to do everything for everyone. That path leads to burnout and exhaustion.
Let’s check in: I am writing this at 6:49 a.m. on November 4, 2020. It’s the day after the U.S. Presidential election. At the moment, the election is still undecided. And in America, more than 9.49 million people have the Coronavirus and 236,000 people have died from the virus. German, France, and the United Kingdom have all announced a second round of lockdown measures as the virus is spreading throughout Europe.
