Let Go and Be Free Podcast: Episode 23 (Overcoming Adversity)

In this week's episode, I discuss a recent accident I had and how I used positive and healthy behavior skills to help me overcome my problems. Learn how you can do the same by breaking down your problems into achievable mini-issues and solve them one at a time.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Listen to the podcast on:

Transcript

Welcome to the let go and be free podcast, A podcast for those who grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family. I'm your host, Ron Vitale, author of The let go and be free series for adult children of alcoholics. On this podcast, we'll talk about everything from dealing with ruminating thoughts, just stopping dysfunctional behaviors that you learned as a child. Together, we'll shine a light to dispel any shame you might feel about your upbringing, and learn practical tips that will help you live a healthier life. If you'd like to learn more, feel free to visit, let go and be free.com Hello, and welcome to this week's show. Good to talk this week about overcoming adversity. I have a personal story that happened to me recently that I wanted to share with everyone.

And I wanted to break this down. Because you might be thinking like, well, there's great all this adult children of alcoholics, learning's, but what does this really mean to me in my day to day life, and I want to kind of frame this, in that the way we were raised the way we grew up in alcoholic and dysfunctional families, there are certain behavior patterns that we either saw, and then either consciously or subconsciously, repeat that are unhealthy and create challenges for us and make frankly, our life a little bit more difficult to live. So I wanted to give an example of something that happened recently. And then kind of break it down of like, here's what happened. Here's what was going through my brain. And here's what I decided to do to kind of, you know, go through the steps to overcome, you know, the problem. And I'm hoping that by framing this and sharing the story, that it will help you in your day to day, you know, life when you encounter your own, you know, problems, no matter what that might be, could be something small, middle, big, doesn't matter. So I wanted to kind of help and put this out there to see, you know, how each of us can live on our day to day and strive to be better people. So that we don't repeat the patterns of what we grew up with, and don't have to be stuck with these dysfunctional behaviors that are getting us nowhere, you know, in life. So with that, let's get started. I wanted to start off with, I had decided at this point, it's been, it's like two weeks, since this incident happened, and I still got weeks to go.

My family and I we decided to go on vacation. And I had decided that, you know, in order for me to be have good peace of mind, I wanted to get all my writing all my podcasts work, everything done on in advance. The thought was, you know, going through my brain, I wanted to be on vacation and really take part in the vacation with everything that's happened over the last couple of years with the pandemic, you know, my kids are getting older, I really wanted to spend time with the family and enjoy my time with the family. Because as I realize, you know, as the kids are getting older, it's it's not going to be a situation where we're all together, you know, with everybody, you know, everybody's going to start doing their own thing as the kids get older. And so I was really looking forward to this vacation. My spouse, she did a fantastic, amazing job of research and, you know, put a bunch of ideas out for everybody in the family, like do we want to go here, they're everywhere. So there was a lot of discussion within the family of where the kids wanted to go. One kid wanted to go one way or another another kid wanted to go somewhere else.

And so the compromise was we would go up to Vermont, in New England, in the United States for two days. And then from there, we would cross over into Canada and go to Montreal. And I thought this would be great. I haven't been to Vermont in God probably close to 30 something years and it was only like passing through. So I thought it'd be a great way to kind of explore see Vermont a little bit and then driving over into you know, Canada, I haven't been in Canada and I think it was like 20 Something year. So again, I thought this would be a good win win for the entire family. And we offered thinking it's probably going to be the last big hurrah as a family with the kids. Each of our children we said hey, if you want to bring a friend ran a big car, get everybody together as we had four teenagers in the car, my spouse and I and we He headed up. So the first night we get up there, wonderful, great time great dinner, the house is amazing looks out these hills. I mean, it was just picturesque, wonderful. The second day, we go and see this beautiful waterfall and it's a great day. And then we decided to go biking. And in the afternoon, we went to the town of Stowe in Vermont, rented some bikes, and there's a bike path, five and a half miles out five and a half miles back for a couple hours. It was a hot day, beautiful sunny day, the bike path goes right on the route of this beautiful like, you know, river, if you want to stop, you can climb down the embankment and you know, go swimming go in a water Hall, and it's just beautiful. So we go out, you know, there's six of us on bikes, rent the bikes, we head out. And no mishaps.

So beautiful time, five and a half miles back out, we start headed back, we're about two miles back. And you know, I had one of these moments in my head of like enjoying like, wow, I'm really having a great time. This is fantastic with my family, you know, just amazing. And then in a split second, my brain went from Wow, I'm having an amazing time to suddenly something's wrong. And I hit the ground with the force of like, full force of Mike my face, the left side of my face, hit the ground, my chin hits the ground, my arm is in front of me and gets dragged down on the ground and the full force of my impact, full speed of my body hitting the ground is on my left arm, and my whole left side of the body of my shoulder. And I went from what an amazing day to suddenly in my head. I'm thinking like, the air is just knocked down to my chest. And I'm thinking, oh my god, this is like so much pain, and then boom, the accidents over.

And I'm just just, like shocked, stunned, I have no idea what's happened outside of I knew the bike. I you know, was no longer under me. And I'm on the ground, my glasses got thrown off. And my my spouse comes running. And she like, are you okay? And I mean, like I am out of it. I mean, I could not take in air. I'm just like, sitting up, trying to breathe and I couldn't breathe. And I remember this thought going through my brain and I don't know where I read this or where I heard this is that when you get the air knocked out of you for a little bit, you're not going to be able to breathe, you know, you're going to be fine. Everything's gonna be okay. Just just give it a give it a couple seconds. So I'm really desperately trying to like take an air I could feel the bruise, like the bruising and the pain. On the whole left side of my body, my chest, I felt like somebody had put like 1000 pounds, like on top of me.

And I'm like, like trying to breathe the my I can feel like, you know pain. In my hand, I looked down at my hand. And on my, my left hand, between my pinky and my ring finger, I could see blood like I scraped on the grounds. There's blood there. And my wife is saying something to me, and I'm like honey out of it. And she said something about blood on my cheek. And she's like, you know, trying to dab it. And again, I like I just don't know what the world is going on. I'm just desperately trying to talk and breathe. And like, you know, I'm being asked, Are you okay? And I'm like, trying to say yes, I squeak out like, yes. And then trying to take in air and it was just really painful to breathe. So the kids were in front of us, I was the fifth person in the bike line. And then my spouse she was, you know, last. And so the kids come back. I see my son, he like rips off his his like tank top and starts ripping at the pieces. And he starts like giving it to me to wrap around my hand to stop some bleeding. And so like again, I'm just like, out of it are all these people around me and then there were some bikers that stop to check to see if we're okay.

And they're like, are you okay? I'm like, Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't want to fuss around me. My wife calls you know, our friend who is a doctor and you know, starts talking through like FaceTime. And they're talking and I'm sitting there and I'm just like the I didn't feel like I could get up at that point. I'm just like sitting there trying to breathe. It's really hot. The sun is beating down on me. You know someone's given me like a have a big thing of water, I'm trying to drink some, some water, you know, people are trying to clean the blood up off my face, and I got a little scrape on my chin. And I can feel the pain on my shoulder. So I lift up, you know, my shirt, pull up the shirt and look at my shoulder, and I see that it's like a really bad scratch, like bloods that there. I mean, it's not like, you know, wasn't gonna require any stitches or anything, but it was a, like a roadburn.

You know, like, if you were to, you know, just run your, your, your shoulder against concrete that that's what happened. So the decision was my daughter and her friend would stay with me, I hobbled over to this picnic bench, which is on the other side of the road. And I would sit there with them, and my spouse and the rest of the kids, they would take the bikes back, get the car, come to me, and then we figure out, are we going to, you know, urgent care, what are we going to do? So during this whole time, you know, we're brain I'm trying to focus on on one thing I'm trying to breathe. And I'm trying to like, assess, am I How hurt Am I, you know, like, how much pain I am if I'm able to move my fingers. When I tried to clench my fist, I feel pain, you know, on my left side of my hand, my chest is really pain, like, give me lots of pain, and I'm having a difficult time breathing. And in my, like my thought process, right after the accident as like, I'm thinking, you know, I was having this wonderful time, what happened? So I looked down as I'm getting up, and I see that there's this tiny little dip in a road in the road. And there's like cracked concrete, and there's like some sand in there. And it looks to me, like what happened was my front tire went into the dip. And I must have been turning with the road. And I guess because there were sand in there, the the way my bike went, the tire really caught. And the bike went one way and my body went flying the other way. So the good news is my glasses were not damaged. Again, this is at the beginning of vacation. So, you know, I got my glasses back on I hobble over to the bench.

And, you know, everybody else outside of my daughter and her friend, they're watching me, they go take the bikes back. And in order to take the bikes back, they have to walk them back, because each person now has to walk two bikes back. They thought they were a mile away, they were two miles away. So it took them a while to walk two miles with bikes, to get the bikes back, get to the car and get back to us. And so you know, while I'm sitting there, I'm on the pen, the park, the park bench. And my daughter and her friend are like, look, there's a store over there, we think we can get you some like Advil or something, you know, do you want us to go get you something? And I'm like, Yes, that'd be great. You know, because they, they want to do something to help me and I didn't know what they could do. And I thought, well, you know, probably getting some Advil in me right now, because the pain is starting to like get really bad is like that would be something.

So they got me that I take the Advil and obviously it's taken awhile for you know, my spouse to to get back with the bikes and you know, get to the car, and the sun's beating down on me and there's a tree near us. So every now and again, I would stand up, I'd hobble over into the shade and the tree stand there for a bit, crouched down. I didn't think that I could actually sit down because if I sat down, I didn't think I was going to be able to get back up again. So I'd sit there and my daughter was talking to me just small talk that keep me you know, kinda like focused. And then finally we get to the car and, you know, I decided in my head like, okay, yeah, I gotta get checked out this pain and everything that I'm feeling I'm still having difficulty breathing. I want to, I want to get checked out because I may have fractured ribs like I'm hurting like the most I've ever heard, like, ever. This is like, this is a serious accident. There's, you know, I'm not feeling great. And, you know, I'm sitting there, and I'm trying to focus, you know, focusing on the Serenity Prayer, I'm focusing on breathing, I'm trying to be as positive as I can in the moment. Just trying to deal with this pain. And it was it was hard. It was hard because I didn't feel well. You know, I had like, scrapes blood, it was just I was not in good shape. So the car, you know, finally comes out comes to us with you know, my spouse and everybody else in it. And right before then, you know, good Samaritan, he and his partner stop and he asked me like, are you okay what happened? You know, and in my Brain, I'm just trying to get him away from me because I did not want to be bothered. Um, you know, he's like, You know what happened and I'm trying to tell him and it was hard to talk. Because it again, it was still difficult for me to be able to breed. So I'm like, it was a biking accident, I'm fine. You know, I'm waiting for the car, you know, we're gonna probably go to urgent care or something. He's like, Do you need anything? I'm like, No. And then he starts making jokes.

Oh, you know, like, your kid? Is they this or that? Or, you know, and he trying to get me to laugh and I'm like, in my brain, I'm just like, can you please just leave me alone? You know, like, I don't know what you're doing right? Now. You checked on me to make sure I'm okay. I said, I'm okay. I got people with me. I'm gonna get a car. And he just kept going on. And I was just like, trying to, you know, like, yes. Haha, guys, great, goodbye. So, finally, he gets the hint. You know, and, you know, heads off, the car comes. And, you know, I hobbled into the car, we go to the hospital, because we found out that the urgent care if there was something broken on me, they would just send us to hospital anyway. So, you know, my wife drops the kids off at the town so they can get something to eat, because it was around dinnertime, and my wife and I go to the hospital and over the next wasn't too bad was like five hours. X rays, and you know, the whole battery of everything, you know, got done in the emergency ward, and they took really great care of me there at the hospital. And I found out that, you know, I had fractured my hand. And just, you know, really badly bruised, like, the whole left side of my body. So much so that, like when they were asking me like, you know, checking to make sure I didn't have any fractured ribs or I had done punctured a lung or anything like that. I was being asked, like, okay, lie down on this table. So we can get an x ray of you.

And I could, I could get down and I could feel this like pain all inside, like my body, like really bad pain. And I'd lie down, but I could not get up. Like when I went to try to do like a sit up to sit up and you know, get out of the prone position, I needed help, I was in so much pain. So, you know, they checked me out and find out, you know, fractured hands. So they put me in this massive splint, and all the way from my fingers to put my fingers all the way down to like, right, maybe like an inch or two, before my elbow. And, you know, clean me up and give me some instructions. And basically say, you know, when you get back, you better go see an orthopedist to make sure all is okay. And so, you know, hit home and they're like, Okay, vacation. You know, tomorrow, we're headed to Canada, my brain. I'm sitting there and I'm like, I feel so crappy now. And there are, you know, the rest of the family, there's five other people that are counting, you know, ongoing and having this amazing trip. And for the whole week doing all these things.

And I mean, in my head, I'm thinking, I can't do these things, I am in pain. I've had this horrible accident, all I want to do is this, like find a comfortable position and relax. And I just was so out of it. So that first night, you know, I'm trying to to get sleep and I had a bunch of pillows behind me because again, lying down and hurt. And I'm using the 12 steps and I'm saying the Serenity Prayer. I'm trying to focus as best I can, you know, on what happened to me, accepting that it was an accident. Like it literally just was an accident, by bike, hit a dip in a road. I wasn't like going crazy, super fast. I wasn't like, you know, no hands on the you know, like, you know, on the wheel on the bike, like, I mean, I was I was just driving a bike and hit a dip and like you do in life. There are accidents and things that happen. And I suffered a pretty bad accident. You know, I kept thinking how lucky I was that it wasn't more serious. I didn't knock out any teeth. You know, I didn't have any kind of concussion, like I got really lucky, you know, a couple inches more another way and I could have like hit my forehead like I could have done all kinds of stuff. You know, could have fractured you know, my chest ribs, you know, all kinds of stuff and I got lucky. So I'm in major pain, and I'm trying to get rest.

And I did and so the next morning, you know I'm trying to figure out like what are we going to do you know In my brain, pardon me, like a large part of me, to be honest, wanted to go back home. But I knew that everybody else wanted to go. And I said, Okay, well, we'll go, I had, obviously private conversation, my spouse, and basically said, I am not feeling well. You know, and I don't know, if I'm going to feel worse. I, you know, I don't know what's going to happen. So we started making contingency plans, like, what if, you know, I do feel worse? How can we get me home by airplane or some, you know, car, like, what are we going to do, I'm like, Okay, we have these backup plans. And we're just gonna take things step by step. And, you know, in my brain, and in my head, I'm thinking, I don't want to let anybody down. And the same kind of thoughts, thought process of habit, like when I was a kid, like growing up, like, I didn't want my, I didn't want to let my mom down with everything that happened. Like, between her and my father, and all the problems and everything was going on, I wanted to do everything I could to be like, the best, you know, and I fell into that old thought process, you know, like, the, the martyrs, you know, I will take on all the super responsibility. But in the present, I realized that I, I was pretty powerless at this point. I wasn't going to be, you know, trouncing all over Montreal, like, I just, I didn't have the energy. And my pain was high. I needed to focus on rest, and relaxation. So, you know, to break down what happened, bad accident, severely banged up, I needed to then decide what was I going to do on dealing with? What was I capable of each day?

What was I responsible for? Who was I responsible for? And would I speak up for myself? Or what I just be quiet and be like, well, let's do everything. And, you know, this, that the whole thing and just kind of suffer along? Whereas in the past, I would often do that. So I tried to come to a compromise that I thought would be fair, to everybody, you know, talked with the doctor. And, you know, explain him we're planning on going to Montreal, is there anything you know, that you're seeing in any my test results? being like, hey, no, you really shouldn't do that. And he said, I don't see any reason why you can't go. He said, The thing is, it's really going to depend on your tolerance level. And I say that in that in that tone, because I remember thinking, what does that exactly mean? Like, I mean, I understand my tolerance level, but I don't know what my tolerance level is going to be. I think that was his point. That each day, I had to decide what was I actually going to be able to do or not. So it was a Saturday, the next day, we get into the car, we get into Canada, we go to lunch, we get to the house, and we spend time to house and then basically, you know, for the rest of the day, I just chill. On the next day Sunday, I knew that the family wanted to go into Montreal, and I basically said, I can't, I am really hurting, and I need to rest, I need to chill, I'm gonna stay at the house. You guys go have fun. And, you know, we'll meet up, come back for for like late dinner, and we'll have a good time. And, you know, in my brain, I'm thinking I want to have a good time, I want to go to Montreal, but then the, the, my physical body was saying, I can't walk that far, I cannot be 90 degrees, 90 plus degrees walking around the city for like, eight hours. I knew I didn't have the strength. I knew I was in lots of pain. I had a hard time like raising my left arm up. So swinging it while working, you know, like walking that hurt. And I basically needed to focus on myself. So breaking down the steps in my head of bad accident, set a boundary level for myself. What was I comfortable with? And that boundary level was going to shift each day of what my tolerance level was going to be. You know, on that first day, full day after once we made it to, you know, to Canada, I basically drew a hard line in the sand and said, I can't do these things. Like I want to, but I physically can't. I'm afraid that if I push too far, I'm going to injure myself more. I just didn't think I could make it with the walking. So I opted to stay home, I did reading, I watched some TV and French I love French culture. And so seeing Canadians on TV speaking French was, you know, I had a lot of fun just at home, just resting. And, you know, the family, they went out, did their thing, and then came back, and we all got to have great dinner. And then each night, you know, I would rest watched TV of a movie or play like a game. And anytime that I was like, I gotta go to bed, I just would go to bed. I slept that week, like more hours a night than I had ever, like slept in. I think since like, I was like a kid, like, I typically don't get a ton amount of sleep each night. And this was like adding two plus hours beyond that, my body was like you need sleep, you need to rest. If you do these things and eat, right, you're gonna heal, it's gonna take time. You can't speed it up.

This is how it's going to be.

And, you know, each day, when I'd get up, I'd be in lots of pain, trying to sleep at night and be lots of pain, you know how to get up, go to the bathroom, you know, work things out, like if I needed help my, you know, I can wake my wife up. And there were some challenges in which I had to decide, what did I need help with what was I comfortable in surrendering to, and you know, I'm like, I'd like being self sufficient. That was one of my major strengths. And growing up an adult child of, you know, like an alcoholic and dysfunctional family. I decided in early age, I will take care of myself, I can do everything that I need to do on my own, thank you very much. Up and out, do my thing. But I realized that I needed help, you know, like, I could not use my left hand. So like twisting a bottle, you know, sometimes I would try to put it between my legs and twist it with my right hand. Other times, I'd be like, Hey, can somebody help me like open this, you know, whatever, things I can get some milk or that kind of stuff. And I needed my wife to help me, you know, when I would shower because I was in so much pain. And this shower, to me was like a deathtrap because it was like slippery. And it was a stall. And it wasn't our familiar, you know, bathroom. So it was like, everything was different with it, you know how to put the hot water on how to do this, how to do that, I had to keep my left arm dry. So I had to, you know, put a plastic bag on it. And I'm trying to balance and I was like, You know what, I don't want to fall so and I'm in still tremendous pain. So for those, you know, first couple days, thing was almost that entire rest of the week, my wife helped me, just so they you know, was showering. And it was something that I felt, I guess part like, ashamed, you know, like, because I got hurt.

And, you know, my brain I'm thinking, you know, I don't want to feel this way. You know, I don't want to be hurt. But then the the the parent side of my brain, you know, the, I'm sorry, the adult side of the brain, there's the child voice, the parental voice and the adult voice, you know, the child voice, I want the candy. Now the parent, you can't have a toy after dinner, and then the adult voice? Is it okay for me to have candy? Now? You know, do you want it? Is it healthy? And then you ask yourself this question. So the child pardon me of saying, you know, I just want to take a shower on my own and the parental voice kind of yelling back, you could fall and get hurt. And then the adult voice saying, you know, is it healthy? Is it true? And it was like, Yeah, you know, I'm really in great pain. And if I do fall or slip, I can hurt myself even more. I do need help. So that was the breaking down the steps of the process of being given this accident that happened at the worst possible time when I'm supposed to be enjoying myself and having this wonderful vacation. Dealing with the negativity of like, well, this sucks. What am I going to do? You know, from the readings and, you know, therapy sessions and things I've learned over the years. The what I do in those circumstances is I focus on being positive. You know, like, look at this circumstance and being like, okay, yes, I was in an accident.

Yes, I can't do these things. It could have been worse. Here's the reality of it. What can I do to make the best of the situation I've been given lemons, how do I make lemonade? And what am I grateful for? And I realized that when I am focusing on what am I grateful for these other things cuz it gets me out of my head of, oh, woe is me, life sucks, it's the end of the world, we spent all this money and I can't enjoy all you know, and then the spiraling that takes place. So to avoid that, you know, I focused on the what was positive and what went well, now, I will be the first to admit, I was a very cranky fellow, some of the time, because I was in so much pain, and I did my best not to get too cranky. There were times where I think that, unfortunately, my crankiness was stronger than I would have liked. And I felt bad that it not that I snapped at anybody, but there were times where, you know, like, I hit my head once in the house, because they had like, low ceilings, and I was going into the living room area into the kitchen, and like, whack my head, and my arm was in pain. So whacking my head. Like, I was just like, kind of snapped, and I was just like, ah, you know, like, really frustrated. And I apologize for that, you know, and saying that, you know, I like cursed and went into the other room, and because, like I had whacked my head.

And it was just like, one of those things that I was just like, anything else gonna happen to me now, like, so I did my best not to be too cranky. And the the challenges of the physical limitations of what I could do, I did not feel comfortable to drive, because I was in so much pain, I did not think that I would have the reaction time needed to be able to drive. I needed sleep, I needed to eat, right, I needed to, you know, move my body as best I could. So that way I could help with the healing process. But I had to make certain that I didn't overdo it. So, you know, I share all this with you. Because with what we grew up with an alcoholic and dysfunctional families, you know, there are behavior patterns of you know, again, the negativity, the catastrophizing, the anxiety, the stress, the lashing out, like, all those things, you know, I learned, you know, as a kid, of if something bad would happen, you know, you could spiral and be like, Oh, my God, I'm never gonna get over this, this wasted all this money to the end of the world. Oh, you know, Oh, I'm so angry and frustrated. And then that gets you into, like, Oh, my God, what if this happens, what if that happened, then that worry builds, the anxiety builds, and then you start spreading that to the rest of the family group that you're with. Whereas I did my best to focus on what I could handle, what was within my control, and wasn't wasn't within, you know, my ability to control, setting those boundaries of, I understand that the kids want to have a good time, I knew that I needed to rest more than they wanted to rest. And, you know, my, my spouse, she was willing to work with me on that. And that was just something that I just tried to, to live with my physical limitations for that week. You know, now, you know, like, two weeks out, I am feeling better. I know, you know, gone to the orthopedist, understand how long I have to have my hand and splint, the healing process is going along? Well, I still need to kind of take it easy on things. I'm not doing my normal, you know, routines of like, I stopped my running, you know, until I get the splint off, you know, trying to do things that are going to help myself getting to bed early eating, right, you know, drinking lots of water, like listening to what the doctors have told me, like all that stuff. And in the process, you know, focusing the best I can on what can I help myself with?

You know, I have a little piece of paper on my desk, where I work, and it simply says Be positive. And it's not. It's not meant for me to ignore or deny the frustration or the pain or the challenges that I'm going through. have, you know, my hand is I'm not able to use it. I'm not saying that I want to deny and hide those things. But I want to focus on admitting what I'm going through how I feel, and then focus well, what am I going to do next? What can I do that's going to help me feel better and be better? And how can I do that? So that way I'm, I'm taking on and implementing healthy behavioral patterns and communication choices, rather than negative of dysfunctional ones, you know, being passive aggressive, aggressive, lashing out at people, focusing on the negativity, trying to pull others down, you know, all those things, they're their behavior patterns that I had seen others implement and to live out in my childhood family, and some of those traits, you know, I inherited, good, that's what I learned. And that's what, you know, each of us have learned these different things from our families, how do we overcome them.

Just because there was like alcohol or addiction in your life, growing up, or dysfunctional behaviors doesn't necessarily mean that you're, you're going to always be struggling with those particular issues around alcohol, or drugs or some other kind of addiction. It could just be when you have something like an accident, or a sickness, come into your life, a loss of a job, or divorce or big life, you know, changes? How are you going to handle those problems? I find that for me, the important thing to do is to focus on the 12 steps, focus on the Serenity Prayer and focus on all like I've learned in therapy, and the various self health books, you know, over the the decades that I've been on this journey, and I wanted to share this with you to be honest, and say, you know, here's something that happened to me out of the blue, this is what was, quote, unquote, supposed to happen, this wonderful vacation. This was the reality, it wasn't the worst vacation, it wasn't the best, it fell somewhere, you know, in the middle, and I had to accept the reality of my circumstance, and how I felt, and what I was going to be able to physically do. And I did my best to thread the needle on, you know, compromising with within a family unit of what I could do what I couldn't do, did I do everything correctly? No, nobody ever does. But I did the best that I could. And I am confident that in moving forward, I am making decisions that are healthy for me, healthy for the family to be able to move forward to heal. And so, you know, I tell the story to being humble of saying, when you encounter a difficulty in your life, I'm hoping that you are able to take stock of the skills that will help you overcome those situations. And just to kind of regroup and re numerate them.

Again, I am a big fan of using the adult voice. Is it healthy for me? Is this good for me in whatever circumstance that you're there? And the Serenity Prayer? If you don't want to say the part about God, you basically focus on what are you able to control? And what can't you and understanding the line between what you can and what you can't, is extremely, extremely helpful, because then that's where you set that boundary line of what your tolerance level is, and what you can do and what you can't do or what you won't do, because it's not your responsibility to do. And so mixing those two together on using the adult voice, is it healthy? Is it good? Is it true? With the that adult voice of like? What are you able to do? Like, what are you responsible for? And what are you not? The negotiation of that through a particular circumstance can help you move forward?

And then the actual 12 steps I like because it acts as an inventory for me to be able to focus on what can I do and what I can't do, in the sense of, you know, am I am I being crappy right now, you know, did I take out my frustration or anger on someone, if so, admit it, make amends, move forward, you know, let go of some things that are beyond my control, give them to a higher power, give them to the universe, if you don't believe in a God, that there are certain things that you can just proceed operate on. It's not going to solve the problem. It's just going to waste time and energy, you know, onward and upward of like, acceptance is difficult and challenging. And again, that could be for an accident, sickness, loss of a job. You know, we could we could think of those things and just spiral down of like, well, if I would have done this, if I would have done that. It doesn't change the outcome. It's what are we going to do this next second? What are we going to do this next hour? What are we going to do tomorrow? And so breaking things down into steps into chunks, chunko bowl, solvable situations, I find to be extremely helpful as we move forward. Instead of oh my god, I've been in the Zack Since then I'm going to have to go at least doctor visits and physical therapy.

And it's so overwhelming. What if this happened? What about, just break it down? What, what did I need to do, I need to get up, I needed to go to the bench, I needed to go to a hospital to get checked out, I needed to, like, just step by step by step in, make sure that I keep checking in with myself along the way, and making certain that I'm doing everything I can, that would be good for for myself and be healthy. And then that goes outward and spreads outward to the rest of my family. So I do hope that this has been helpful for you. And wanted to be a little bit more honest on this podcast. Not that I'm not honest from before, but I meant it's what I mean is I want it to be, here's something that like a really recent, you know, accident that happened to me and how I have been dealing with this process. So again, thank you for listening to this podcast. If you enjoy it, I invite you to please rate it on iTunes. More positives that we have for rating on any of the podcast catchers out there, the better.

And if you want to learn more, go visit let go and be free.com There are the let go and be free for volume books if you're looking for reflective meditations to kind of help you on your day to day. And then if you want to subscribe to substack there's a link at the bottom of an email that goes out. You know, every Saturday, you basically can click that and if you're looking to kind of help support the podcast, you could do it that way. I appreciate it. So thank you so much again for listening. I appreciate you for tuning in to listen and as always be well.

Support the podcast:

Please note that there are affiliate hyperlinks used on this page and that I receive a small percentage of sales if you choose to purchase. I only recommend items that I have found helpful and useful, and am passing them on to you to help. Thank you.