Have you ever been in a situation in which you don’t want to be around a particular person, but have to?
Might be family, work, or a friend’s spouse, but we’ve all been in situations where the easiest thing to do would be to avoid the person like the plague.
Many years ago, when I first started in the workplace, I moved to a new department and had to deal with a difficult supervisor. I had a tough time working with this person. Two of my colleagues quit and found other jobs. It was a really difficult situation.
No matter how I tried to adapt and work with the person, they just made my life miserable.
Things got so bad that I started looking for a new job and wanted to leave as I couldn’t handle the stress desperately. But then an idea came to me. I met with the top boss and talked with them about how I felt.
The advice I was given: If I quit, then any time I came across a similar problem in the future, my instinct would be to run. I wouldn’t know how to deal with the problem. Instead of letting the supervisor win and ruin my career, I could stay and hang in there.
I thought the advice to be solid but didn’t know how long I could hold out. In my case, I got lucky because the top boss fired my supervisor a few weeks after we talked.
When I look back at this situation, I now realize a few things:
No one can make you feel anything. I allowed my supervisor to get to me and fell prey to their ego and dysfunctional work behavior. Next time you’re in a similar situation, remember that you are in charge of your feelings and not the person bothering you.
Talk to someone. In my case, I went right to the top, and that turned out to be the best course of action. The person who had power over my supervisor fixed the problem. Keeping all your feelings inside isn’t going to make you feel any better. Talk to someone (people you trust), not to gossip but to learn how best to deal with the situation.
Build up your boundaries. What does this mean? If you don’t get along with a family member, when you see that person, do your best to be civil and keep an emotional distance between you and the other person. Sure, you can try to heal a rift and forgive each other, but I’ve found that sometimes there are people who thrive on chaos and look to cause problems. Build up your boundaries and stay strong.
Let me talk a bit about boundaries. Bullies like to get reactions out of people. They prod, poke, and disturb to get people riled up. Don’t fall for it.
That might be harder to put into practice than you might want. But what I find that works well, is the following response:
“I know that you’re trying to upset me, but I’m not going to fall for it.”
If your relationship with the person is more complicated than what you’d like, another good response is to redirect and focus on something different. Talk about another topic and refuse to engage in the conversation that is meant to trap or hurt you.
Being around someone that you don’t want to can be challenging and emotionally draining. If it’s someone you need to see daily, then I recommend that you work the following into your routine:
Exercise (walking, running, whatever)
Meditation (15-20 minutes a day can do wonders!)
Get the proper amount of sleep.
At the end of the day, how you react to a situation is up to you. Being in the situation is challenging and can be toxic if you’re not careful. Hopefully, these tips will help.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.