Growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional household, I learned quickly that bad things happened a lot. To overcome those horrible times, I began to prepare for them. What I could anticipate, I would adapt, avoid, and survive.
Anticipation and preparation for challenging problems is a great life skill when you’re in a crisis, but always thinking the worst can become a handicap in how to view life.
When I became a young adult, I still chose to see the world as a series of pitfalls that I had to prepare for. If a girlfriend didn’t call me, I imagined the worst (she had cheated or want to leave me).
My friends never seemed to have this cloud of worry over them. They grew up in stable homes and knew that their foundations were strong. But for me, I lived life always ready for the rug to be pulled out from under me. As a kid, we moved four times, and I went to five schools from kindergarten through high school, and my mom went through two divorces.
I didn’t know when the next move would take place or when I’d be involved in more family drama.
Since my upbringing was chaotic, my relationships mirrored that pattern.
What I realized in my 20s is that I had to find a way to stabilize my life. I couldn’t keep chasing after ghosts of the past and repeating dysfunctional behavior.
If I always looked for the worst in everything, then I’d be limiting myself and creating an environment to self-sabotage my relationships. Always thinking the worst is draining and emotionally destructive for your partner.
To stop that behavior (and let me be clear, when I’m beaten down and weak, I still have to wrestle with these thoughts—you might not want to hear that, but it’s not like there’s a magical “cure” to take all those negative thoughts away), I have a few go-to activities:
Focus on self-care (good rest, exercise, and eating).
Love yourself. If I don’t love me and feel strong in my own inner world, I can’t be there for others.
Meditate. When stressed out, meditation helps calm me.
Self-reflection. I ask myself: Is it true? (Is it true that the worst is about to happen? Is it true that [fill in the blank]?)
Overcoming negative thoughts and thinking the worst is happening (or will happen) can be nearly impossible at the moment. But I found some solid tips that have helped me break the cycle of ruminative thoughts.
The challenge might seem overwhelming, but the good news is that you don’t have to do all the work at once. Like most things in life, it’ll take time and patience.
One step at a time.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.