If you feel stuck, or worse, going round and round in a circle, I hear you. I’ve been there.
One night before my Junior year in college started, I went outside near 2 a.m. and looked up at the sky. I lived with my grandparents, mom, and brother in a small row home. The summer heat had started to fade, but it was still warm enough to be outside in shorts. I stared up at the sky and watched the clouds pass by the moon.
And I wondered: What would the next year be like? Would I find love? What would I be when I “grew up”?
I had all these questions, but no answers.
Over the years, I have had many nights like that. Typically, they take place in the fall, as I reflect on the past year.
I went through a lot of difficult times as a kid, and I wore that as a badge of shame. We never really talked about my father and what he did to my mom. And I grew up lost, confused, and hurt.
I have felt stuck in my life. I have felt doubt, fear, and resentment. I have also felt lost and unloved.
The only way I knew out of those moments was to move onward.
For me, that meant writing. I wrote stories upon stories as a kid but then gave up writing when I became an adult. Deep down, I knew that writing could help heal me from the bad times of my childhood. And I also knew that my stories would give hope to others. But I stayed stuck.
In my early 20s, I looked up at the sky and wondered what I would do and be. Today, near 50, I still do the same thing. The difference is that I am willing to experiment, to try, and to fail.
If you want to heal, move on, and grow, then take the first step. Yes, it’s scary, confusing, and there are no assurances. It doesn’t matter if this is about a relationship, a job, going to a therapist, starting your own business, or facing an overwhelming personal problem.
There is a path before. Might be left, right, backward, up, or down, who knows?
The only way I know to find solace and healing is to get my hands dirty and do the work. A book doesn’t write itself. A job doesn’t fall from on high into your lap. A relationship doesn’t right itself. It takes work. Sometimes trial and error.
I found that those of us who grew up in alcoholic and dysfunctional homes tend to have a really hard time with change. It’s easier to deal with the crap that we know than to try something new.
I want to share something with you. Last night I went to see The Band’s Visit. The musical is about an Egyptian band who gets lost in Israel. They land in a small town and interact with the townsfolk who struggle with their day to day lives and feel stuck.
The song “Answer Me” is toward the end of the musical. A young man starts singing about his girlfriend as he hopes she’ll call. And then the rest of the townsfolk sing about their hopes and dreams.
I invite you to listen to the song all the way to the end. When I hear the ending (I don’t want to ruin it for you), tears well up in my eyes. Millions of people are searching for a better tomorrow. They look up to the sky and wonder what tomorrow will bring and how their lives will be better.
The answer will be different for each of us, but I believe it takes a straightforward action to begin.
Are you willing to become unstuck?
If so, then the rest you’ll figure out along the way.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.