It feels good to hold a grudge. At least in the beginning. But then things change over time. When we focus on the grudge, we lose track of the what happened to us.
Oprah Winfrey has said: “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.”
When we hold on to a grudge, it allows us to keep the fire of anger and hatred within our hearts.
As a kid, I had such anger toward my father. For how he treated my mother, for abandoning us, and for his not paying child support. It made me feel strong and good when I could fall back on my anger. I used that anger to fuel me to survive.
Unfortunately, the more I held onto my anger, the harder it was for me to move on from my past.
Do you hold a grudge toward your alcoholic or dysfunctional upbringing?
You cannot go back and fix what happened to you as a kid. Your parents, for better or worse, raised you as the best they could. We might resent and have such painful memories of our childhood, but holding onto those grudges isn’t going to fix the past. We can’t change the past. Holding onto that anger and our grudge will not solve the problem.
As Oprah knew well, holding the grudge keeps us trapped in the past.
When we let go of the grudge and accept that we cannot change what happened to us in the past, we’re opening up the possibility of freedom and growth. We can grow because we release the tension of the past. We become free from the trauma that happened to us.
By releasing the grudge, we can then take that energy and use it to help us heal. Our minds are powerful instruments that can replay trauma and allow us to relive the past through remembering. But the more we focus on the past and hold a grudge, the less we can be our full selves in the present.
By letting go of the grudge, we grow and will be free.
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