“Fake it until you make it.”
I’ve always hated that phrase. I always thought it was like saying: “Keeping smiling, and you’ll feel happy.” It doesn’t matter if you’re going through depression, grief, or another big life-changer; you’ll be fine if you just pretend.
I don’t like pretending that I feel good, or I know what I’m doing.
That has never worked for me.
I like to flip things around a bit and focus on what isn’t and is working. Enacting lasting changes in life take a great deal of effort and time.
For me, I would much rather try to make it each day. I focus on using the current skills I have to get me through the problem I’m having or to work toward making a change in my life.
Instead of just flipping a switch in my head to pretend that I am “making it,” I would much rather take a baby step toward the better day. When I’m tackling a big problem, I know that it takes time.
When I trained for a marathon or wrote my first book, I didn’t fake it. I realized that I needed to take the few first steps. For the marathon, that meant I ran around the block twice. Then months later, I ran around my daughter’s school twice. I then ran a mile, then two, and eventually, my first 5K (3.1 miles).
My friends challenged me to then run a 10-miler run in Philadelphia with around 37,000 people in it. I trained for that race, then my friends asked me to do a half-marathon one month later (that’s 13.1 miles), and I did that. Two years of steady running later, I trained for a marathon (26.1 miles), and I did it.
I didn’t fake anything. I started badly, had no clue what I was doing, but I began to eat healthier, focus on my water intake, set a consistent running schedule, subscribed to Runner’s World magazine, and talked with my fellow friends who ran. I learned about my gait, the proper running shoe, what stretches helped me deal with pain after my long runs, and some not so fun stuff like the importance of using body glide to help with chaffing to prevent any red marks on my thighs.
Going from couch to crossing the finish line of my first marathon took years of hard work. It was a journey. I learned things, I failed at things, I pieced together a plan and changed my worldview to go from “I’ll never run a marathon” to “I’ve run three.”
I don’t like to fake things.
I prefer being open and authentic. If I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ll say it. I will try my best and then learn from what didn’t work. I’ll build on my experiences and put together a plan to succeed.
The same is true in writing and marketing a book.
Or the time that a girlfriend of mine broke up with me back in graduate school. I felt lost and alone, but slowly I rebuilt my friendships, connected with new people, and took risks by going to new places. Eventually, I met my wife—not because I sat on my sofa being miserable but I worked hard to build up a new life for myself.
I learned to remember that I am worthy of love.
I didn’t fake it. I put in the hard work to get me from point A to point B.
What I like about the gradual journey is the best part: You only need to take one step at a time. Go at your pace, but keep getting up and working toward your goal.
What about you?
What do you want to do?
Don’t fake it. Just be you.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.