Trust can be hard at times. Trust in family members who let us know when we needed them most, trust in what’s “right and fair” in the world, but there’s also an important step of trusting yourself.
Self-trust can be a no brainer for many of us. How could we not trust ourselves?
But that’s not necessarily true for those of us who grew up in alcoholic and dysfunctional families.
Pity might be construed to be love. Or worse, wanting to “rescue” someone so that you can show your love to someone.
Decisions about trust happen every day and we don’t often think about it.
Do we trust the airline pilot? Or the bus driver? Or the company that we work for to pay us?
But there are decisions that could be looped into shame, guilt, and fear that cause us to doubt ourselves.
If you’re not sure whether the decision you are making is a healthy one (a decision that you can trust), I find asking this question helpful:
Is it healthy for me?
But more importantly, each of us needs to develop our adult voice. We typically have several voices within us:
Parent: “Don’t have that piece of candy before dinner.”
Child: “I want the candy now!”
Adult: “Is it healthy for me to have the candy now?”
Developing and enriching our adult voice takes practice, time, and sometimes is filled with trial and error.
We might make a decision based off of how we grew up. For example, if we try to get our kid to eat their broccoli but conveniently seem to forget how hated eating it as a kid.
A healthy balance between what’s healthy, our boundaries, and the fine line between the two, can be difficult to navigate.
If you’re tired, angry, thirsty or hungry, take care of your body first. Before making a big decision, give yourself the time you need to process the decision. Reactionary decisions often do more harm than good.
Asking for some space (a reasonable amount of time and not trying to stall or be indecisive), is perfectly within your right.
When you work on building your own space to be an adult, you’re carving space as a boundary to mark where you stand, who you are, and why you will say “no” to certain decisions.
Is this easy?
For an adult child of an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, no, it’s not.
Guilt, fear, shame, and anger might cloud your mind and make it harder for you to trust.
Trust takes time to build.
Not only with another but with yourself.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.