There is a lesson that I find difficult to learn.
“Go with the flow.”
I find it challenging to listen to that advice because having grown up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional household, trusting is hard.
I have found myself (more times than I’d like to admit) spending time, energy, and effort on trying to “make something happen.” Instead of letting things go and going with the flow, I latch on and waste away as I try to break through an impregnable wall.
Have you ever had this happen to you?
Ever spend time and energy with a romantic partner that you realize was never going to be truly there for you? That somehow, the more energy you put into the relationship, that would somehow kickstart that person’s interest in you, and they would suddenly be present and send love your way.
Or make an effort after effort with a family member who still treats you horribly or ignores you, but you still try to mend the wound because you have hope?
The list can go on and on.
Instead of letting things go, do we latch on and try to control the situation? Or make things “right”?
What would happen if we went with the flow and realized that there are times when we’re not always going to get what we want in life. What if what we “want” isn’t actually good for us, and we’re repeating the same mistakes that we lived through as kids?
If we shine a light on our lives and our behaviors, we will see that we all have quirks and issues to deal with. As adult children of alcoholics, often there’s an open wound that might have sort of healed over, but deep down, we’ve not come to terms with our upbringing. We may have been neglected, abused, abandoned, or ignored.
And those scars affect how we interact with people.
What would happen if we stopped trying so hard to control a situation? Or what if we stopped putting energy into a relationship that’s not healthy for us? What if we chose to put that energy, time, and effort in developing ourselves?
Go with the flow.
Life is often presenting us with options, but we are resistant to change. Even if the relationship, job, or situation is unhealthy for us, there’s often a need to try to make things right.
I know that I’ve made this mistake. I’ve put my love and energy in a relationship thinking that somehow trying to fix a present situation will magically help heal me from the past.
Instead of going with the flow, I tried to build a damn and block the river.
It never works.
I become resentful, the situation falls apart, and things are a mess.
But what if we chose to be active and redirect our energy and time?
What if you let go and went with the flow and made decisions to heal yourself instead of trying to “fix” a relationship? Or “rescue” someone?
The only power we have in life is over ourselves and the actions we take each day.
Going with the flow might sound like deciding to give up, but it’s not. We need to make decisions that will help heal ourselves rather than trying to solve someone else’s problem.
Draw a line in the sand. Create the boundary between you and someone else (doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship or work), and decide what is and isn’t healthy for you.
Practice that each day and see what opportunities arise for you.
It’s not easy, and you might fall, but like anything, it takes practice.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.