So you’ve made a mistake, now what?
I’m not talking about a simple mistake like spilling a glass of milk onto the floor but what to do when you’ve hurt someone’s feelings.
Maybe you said something to your spouse, child, or friend, and you instantly regret it.
When you make a mistake that shakes the trust between you and another, what do you do?
Most people will apologize. That’s a great start.
My mother used to tell me that my father used to apologize all the time, but he still hit her.
When I would do something as a kid that hurt her and I apologized, she would always tell me: “When you say you’re sorry, they’re just words. If you want to fix things, then do something about it.”
I have failed and screwed up more times than I can count. I’ve made mistakes as a husband, a father, a son, and a friend.
I’ve made mistakes, and I’ve had to apologize.
If we just say the words “I’m sorry” but have no intention of changing our behavior, then what’s the point?
What can you do today to help be more accountable for your actions and work on changing bad behavior?
Here’s a simple example:
Over the years, I’ve seen many a parent (myself included) in making judgments and critical comments about decisions that their children have made. There’s a difference between giving advice (when asked for) and trying to control/influence a child.
My daughter used to come up to me and say, “What should I do today?”
And I would respond, “What do you want to do?”
It’s easy to tell people what to do, and it’s much harder to listen and be quiet.
That’s part of the key for when we make mistakes. If we do hurt someone’s feelings, when we make amends with them, we need to listen to how they feel. Why did they feel hurt? What did we say, or do that hurt them?
I can be extremely judgmental as I hold myself to extremely high values. I then expect everyone to do the same. That gets me in trouble because I get frustrated when someone doesn’t follow through with what I think should be easy.
What if we were to listen more after we did hurt someone’s feelings? What if we then applied how they’d like to be treated toward them?
I mentioned the Platinum Rule in my first Let Go and Be Free book, but I think it’s worth bringing up again. The Golden Rule is pretty straight-forward: “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.”
But the Platinum Rule takes into consideration that everyone is different and suggests: “Do unto others as they would want to be done to them.”
Imagine how the world would be different and your relationships stronger if you applied the Platinum Rule to your life.
The next time you make a mistake and hurt someone’s feelings, think about what you did wrong, apologize for what you did, and then treat them in the future as they want to be treated.
Flipping things around from “you” to “them” will transform your relationships.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.