Today we live in a polarized world. One side is yelling at the other side and there are problems everywhere you look. For today, take time to look yourself in the mirror and ask: Is it true?
I have seen and lived through people’s behaviors that are unhealthy and wrong. But I found that no one else would say anything and people would just act normally.
Just because people ignore a problem doesn’t mean that there isn’t one.
Denial or repression are common ways for people to avoid the hard truth.
For a long time, I went along and didn’t question. I figured that my life was my life, and that’s just how things were going to be. I couldn’t change my family so I accepted them as they are. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Love your family?
I think many people turn a blind eye to alcoholic or dysfunctional behaviors because conflict is not easy. Neither is making a decision to leave.
Complacency and comfort are much easier to deal with than the challenges of the unknown.
Someone once said: “Change will come when you’re ready for it.”
When things in our lives become too painful, we will act. The unfortunate thing is that often we’re being boiled alive slowly like a frog and it might be too late before we realized that we need to change.
Because much of what adult children of alcoholics deal with happened when they were kids, it’s difficult to rewire their thinking pattern. If a child sees his father come home from work and then drink all the time, she’s going to think that that is normal behavior. And if her mother normalizes her father’s drinking, the behavior creates a dysfunctional family life.
I’ve walked on eggshells for fear of upsetting anyone. I denied myself my freedom because I was afraid. And I’ve swallowed down and repressed my wanting to go because I lacked faith in myself.
“If I go, who will love me?”
These thoughts that race through the brain are traps.
We will love ourselves. We are our own heroes.
The problem is that we’ve believed the voices around us for so long that we doubt ourselves. We have become brainwashed to think that we’re useless, broken, or unlovable.
But we’re not.
The great fear of change hangs over us like a sword and we’re sometimes paralyzed to make a decision. Are you afraid to leave? Or holding yourself back from making a change in your life?
It feels comfortable to stick with what we know, even if that’s dysfunctional.
I have been guilty of this. I have complained about a problem but then stayed.
Or I’ve blamed so many other things on my problem instead of taking ownership and fixing the problem.
I’m ashamed to admit that. I feel weak and stupid for writing those things because I know that they’re true. I have held myself back because it was easier to stay because I thought myself not worthy of joy.
All of these feelings are tied back to my past. The struggle is to let go of what happened to us when we were young, embrace ourselves and shower ourselves with unconditional love, and then take the first step.
You can do it. I know you can.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.