What does it take to be happy? Is happiness directly tied to having lots of possessions, money, and fame?
Everyone’s definition of what it means to be happy will be subjective, but I would like to put some thoughts out there.
Depression, anxiety, stress can make finding happiness unattainable. We might even feel that we don’t deserve to be happy, or are so overwhelmed, that we cannot imagine a way to allow ourselves to feel joy.
On a personal level, happiness has come to me at the times when I least search for it:
Seeing my son and daughter playing a game together.
Hearing my wife laughing in joy from something funny that a friend told her on the phone.
Finishing a long run and realizing that I succeeded.
Putting my thoughts down and publishing a book.
Reading a good book and having the time just to relax.
Watching the night sky and seeing a meteor streak across the sky.
For me, happiness is tied to my internal world. There’s a Tori Amos song called "Upside Down,” where she sings: “I’ve found the secret to life. I’m okay when everything is not okay.”
That’s a powerful message if you stop to think about it.
There have been so many times in life that something has affected me from the outside and I crumble and immediately go into feeling gloomy instead of taking the time to separate my inner happiness with whatever is going on around me.
Sometimes life hits you hard with problem after problem and you might feel like you’re Job from the bible.
But I’ve found that when I’m quiet, take time to relax and really just be, that this is when I’m most happy. In the examples that I shared above, there’s a common thread. I’m sitting back and observing, thinking, and allowing myself to be present in the moment.
Choosing to be happy can be difficult.
There’s a saying that we have in my family: “Don’t let them get your goat.”
When a person is trying to get a rise out of you or some unexpected news has hit you, we all have a choice to make. We can react or realize that we really are okay when everything is not okay. That might sound too simple of a decision. Granted, we’ve all had horrible news come our way: Death, sickness, loss of a job, and other big life events. I’m not saying that we ignore these life changing moments as each of them requires that we grieve and process what’s happened to us in a different way.
But here’s something to chew on: The Danish use the word “pyt” to describe a situation in which something happens to you, and you shrug it off. Pyt translates in English to something like: “Don’t worry about it” or “stuff happens.” When a Danish person drops their ice cream cone on the ground, they say “pyt” and move on.
Imagine how powerful that would be if we were to take that to heart.
When I’m rushing to get the train, but I miss it: Pyt. I’m driving in my car and get a flat tire. Pyt. I send an article out to be published and get rejected: Pyt.
I’ve been working hard to incorporate this simple Danish response to simple frustrations into my life.
I can tell you that not only have I less stress but I’ve also been happier.
When I merge the two thoughts together: “The world can be a maelstrom but I’m still okay” along with “well, that thing that just happened wasn’t fun, but sh*t happens. Time to let it roll off me,” my worldview has changed.
Will these two ideas solve all my problems?
No.
But I’ll tell you this: I’ve been a heck of a lot happier when I’ve allowed the little things to roll off my back and focus on surrounding myself with positivity.
Now, what about you? What makes you happy?
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.