I grew up in a family in which the men often didn’t share their feelings. Or when they did, they expressed anger. Because I didn’t have many great male role models in my life, my best friends have always been women.

I identify more with women and think that this all goes back to being raised primarily by my mom and grandmother.

Mix in my creativity, being an introvert and my love of the arts and I’m a bit of a strange bird. I’m a misfit to most men and get poked fun at because I like the Indigo Girls, Tori Amos, and Sarah McLachlan.

I’ve never been shy to admit who I am and what I believe, but I often keep quiet for fear that my worldwide doesn’t mesh with what’s popular.

I don’t fit the typical male stereotype who loves watching football on Sunday and pounding down beers.

But where I really go off on my own, is my discussion of the power of vulnerability. I’ve mentioned shame researcher Brené Brown on my blog before and I’m a big admirer of here. I came across her wildly popular “The Power of Vulnerability” TED talk back in 2010.

I grew up thinking that sharing my true self would be dangerous and laughed at because of how different I am.

My mom went through two divorces and suffered through verbal and physical abuse. At a young age, I learned that men can be powerful by inflicting their pain and suffering on those they supposedly love. And worse yet, I mirrored that behavior in my own relationships. I’m ashamed to admit that I have directed my anger at those I love. I’ve been verbally abusive and that’s something that I’m deeply ashamed of.

You see, in growing up, I saw how the men in my life would take their feelings out on the women around them. And in growing up in an alcoholic/abusive family, I learned those behaviors and have worked hard through therapy, the 12 steps, and meditation to deal with my feelings.

Being vulnerable and opening up is hard because the world sees me “as a good guy.” But I’m human.

The important thing that I’ve learned over the years is the necessity to work on myself. Not to “fix the broken parts” of me. No, that’s not it at all.

But I have learned to embrace and accept who I am and how I grew up.

When I am stressed out and feel attacked, my natural instinct is to lash out in anger. I surround myself with words to project a strong offense.

Yet what I’ve taught myself over the years, is to think about the little kid in me who is freaking out and wants to lash out at people because I’m scared. Afraid and feeling threatened. As sappy as it might sound, mentally giving myself a hug and saying to myself that I’m here for myself helps settle me.

Yes, I’m a grown man approaching 50 years of age who gives himself a hug when I feel down and threatened.

I’m choosing to be vulnerable because I believe that there are many, many other men out there who feel the way I do, but can’t admit to it. Society frowns on men showing weakness.

I can already hear the cynical throw their slings and arrows and making fun of me.

But here’s the thing: I’ve carried such pain for decades. I’ve hidden my weaknesses from others because I was afraid.

Growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family environment may not make you an alcoholic, but you damn sure are going to take up some of those traits:

Hyper responsibility
Lashing out in anger when you can’t control your environment
Trying to be prepared for any eventuality.
Always thinking the worst will happen

The list goes on and on, but naming them and shining a light on them does help. Do I still feel weak and shame? Yes, I do.

Here’s the thing: Each of us has a choice. We can keep pretending and see where that gets us. Or we can take a chance and be brave. Be vulnerable.

I credit Brené Brown for helping me come to realize that I’d rather try than to keep hiding. Burying my feelings and pretending all is okay doesn’t solve anything.

I choose to take a risk and to show my warts to the world to help heal myself, but also to share with other men out there—you’re not alone.

Try being vulnerable. It might just lead you down a joyful path that you never could have imagined.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.