I remember waiting for the bus back when I was in college, and I would start coughing when the bus pulled up. I had a nervous cough. When I’d get stressed out and worry, I’d start to cough and would feel like I had to get sick.
I’d worry about whether I’d do well in school, where I was going to get the money to pay off my college loans and a whole host of other things.
I’m a worrier.
I’m not happy about this and work hard to deal with this quirk of mine.
But when I look back at my childhood, I can understand where my worrying started. After my father left and my mom moved back into her parents’ home with my younger brother and me, my default state was to worry.
I even tried to forecast what I needed to worry about and pre-think through possible situations. I like to be prepared and never liked surprises.
(I understand why some people like surprise parties, but I don’t.)
I had enough surprises in growing up, and they often were good ones.
Back when I was in elementary school, I remember going to church with my classmates. It was a special mass in which during the “Peace be with you” part, we were supposed to turn around and go out of our pews to meet up with our parents to shake their hand and offer them peace.
Unfortunately, no one showed up for me that day. My mom needed to work, and for some reason, not sure why to this day, neither of my grandparents could see me (both were retired).
I stood there in mass, and I began to worry. What would happen when everyone went to see their parents, and I would be left there alone. Who would I shake hands with? What was I going to do?
The big moment came, and the boys next to me left the pew to go to see their parents. Everyone did the same thing, but me.
I stood there, and I felt as though the temperature in the church went from comfortable to “oh no, I feel sick, it’s so hot.” And that’s what I did. I threw up all over the pew in front of me.
I felt shame, fear, and unloved.
I don’t remember much after that. I don’t know who helped clean me up or anything else. But the worry and shame remain with me to this day.
I am no stranger to worrying. I’m older now and have more tools at my fingertips. I hope that one of these tips are a help to you. And be sure to check out my “how to deal with stress and anxiety” post too.
Muscle relaxation
Before any stressful situation, I clench my fists up tight, take a slow intake of air, hold for several seconds, and then, as I exhale, I slowly unclench my fists.
If I have more privacy, then I’ll work by doing my hands, then feet, clench my teeth, lift the tongue of my mouth to the roof of my mouth and then finally hold all my muscles clenched, hold the breath and then exhale slowly.
By taking control of my fear and worry, I focus on my body and that I’ll be okay.
Your mind is more powerful than you think
When my brain is in worry mode, I’ll get hit with all sorts of thoughts: What if x, y, or z doesn’t happen? What if I don’t have enough money? What if they don’t like me? What if, what if, what if…
Playing into those negative thoughts only increases the problem. When I’ve learned to do is this:
I worry for a few minutes, then stop and think of something else. When my willpower is weak, I let my mind go back to worrying, but change my thoughts after only two minutes. In about 10 minutes, I’ve refocused my mind onto something positive.
That could be something as simple as saying over and over again in my head: “I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.” Or, if I’m stressed out, I’ll add a bit of a spiritual twist to things: “Let go, let go.” And if things are so bad that I’m really out of sorts, I’ll say the serenity prayer: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.”
These tips are easy to do and have helped me time and time again.
Do I still worry? Yes, I do. Not as much as I used to as a young adult, but now I have the skills to help stop the worrying. I hope these tips help you. And if you’ve gone through the sorts of worrying as I have (with getting stressed and sick), I’ve been there. You’re not alone.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.