Sometimes a bit of helpful and objective information falls into my lap, but I’m not ready to understand and take the feedback.
Maybe that’s because our first instinct is to be defensive. It’s difficult to take feedback and to be open about it.
That’s part of the reason why I like the fourth and sixth steps of Adult Children of Alcoholics:
“4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
and:
“6. Were entirely ready to have God* remove all these defects of character.”
(*Substitute “higher power” if the word God throws you off here.)
Taking an inventory of yourself and seeing your flaws, quirks, and imperfections can be helpful. Is it easy to do?
No, it’s not.
What I’ve learned over the years is that to grow, I need to see my imperfections and become a better person. Growth takes time. Thankfully, I’m not the same person I was back in my 20s or 30s.
I’ve grown and learned how to handle different types of challenges and problems.
If you grew up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family like me, our challenges are different than others.
The question I ask myself is: Do I want to grow or be stuck in perpetuating the unhealthy behaviors I learned as a kid?
I think what many people don’t understand is that we might never have a problem with alcohol or drugs, but it’s the behaviors we learned to cope with what we grew up with that we need to address.
Not sure what I’m talking about?
Read through the laundry list from the Adult Children of Alcoholics’ website.
Yes, there’s a lot to go through there. But if you read through the flip side of the laundry list, you’ll also see that it’s not a lost cause.
One of the first steps is overcoming denial and acceptance.
If you feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start, that’s okay. I’d recommend that you love yourself for feeling upset, confused, and maybe even angry.
Be good to yourself. If loving the icky parts of yourself is hard to do, then try reading Gay Hendricks’ Learning to Love Yourself book. (If you have Amazon prime, the Kindle version of the book is currently free.) I read Hendricks’ book recently, and the most inspiring part for me was reading through the scripts of people who were asked at the moment to love the parts of themselves that they didn’t like. It might even sound counter-intuitive, but I recommend that you try it.
Remember, you’re not alone. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out for help. There is no shame in admitting that you need help.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.
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