“Nobody loves me.” Or, “they’re all out to get me.” Or better yet: “I can’t get a break.”

Self-fulfilling prophecies are an easy way to build a defensive barrier around ourselves. By putting a negative thought out into the universe, we do so to protect ourselves from when the other shoe hits the ground.

Having grown up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, thinking of the worst (and preparing for it) allowed me always to be ready for whatever would be coming my way. But focusing on the negative shrouded the potential goodness in my life.

What’s the difference between waking up in the morning and saying:

“Today, I’m going to embrace what comes my way.”

But compare that with:

“I’ll be ready for when that one-two punch comes at me.”

Being in a constant defensive posture limits our ability to grow and succeed.

How can we obtain our fullest potential if we don’t allow ourselves to think openly?

What I am learning to do is to create possibilities for myself.

I’ve never believed that luck comes to people. I’ve been writing fiction now for decades, and I still struggle with translating that dream into a livable wage.

And yet the tendency is to look at the success of others and go: “How did they become an overnight success? They’re making hundreds of thousands of dollars on their books—how did they do that so quickly?”

The reality is that the authors that make it to the limelight have put in their time and been working hard.

Instead of being jealous of someone else’s success, congratulate them?

A therapist once told me to visualize what I want to have happened in my life. If you’re going to give a big talk in front of a large audience, imagine yourself on the stage, doing great, and then completing the task.

I believe success comes to me because I allow it. What do I mean by that?

Avoid self-sabotage (getting close to your goal and then failing because of deliberate mistakes you’re making to slow your progress).
Be open to what’s possible.
Actively be available and helpful: network, talk with people, tell them your dream goal, and listen to their ideas.

We make our luck because we sow the seeds of our success. Helping someone today might connect you with that colleagues’ friend, who then connects you to their spouse, and that could lead to a new opportunity.

Consider this:

“Woe is me!”

Who is going to want to work with you? Heck, you’re not even going to want to work with yourself.

“Good morning, nice to meet you!”

Being open and willing to succeed opens new doors and possibilities.

All of this might sound so simple and maybe even trite, but think about the times in which you might have been held back from fear or worry.

And then think about the successes you’ve had in life: I know that I’ve succeeded when I tried something new, talked with people I had just met, and offered to help.

When I’ve volunteered to help create HTML pages back in 1999, I built a case to get a promotion at my job. When I went to a poetry reading, I met my wife.

I am not saying that you throw what you want out to the universe, like “The Secret,” and then through magic, your wish becomes a reality. No, not at all.

What I am saying is that through hard work, you create a positive environment for your future self to be ready to accept success.

When you grow up in a dysfunctional family, it's challenging not to be caught in a cycle. To break free, it’s essential to clear the mind and practice successful habits that will help you.

One small step today can lead you to climb that mountain of an obstacle down the road.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.