I remember being picked on as a kid and laughed at because I wore gold sneakers to school. I had begged my mom and grandfather not to wear them, but they were bought used at a flea market, and that was all we could afford.
I knew that my classmates would make fun of me. I just knew it.
I went to school and then put my gold sneaks on for gym class. We had track that day, and my classmates picked on me mercilessly. I did my best to tune them out, but it was hard to do knowing that I wore used sneakers. Granted, it shouldn’t have mattered, but I was 10-years-old at the time.
By that time in my life, kids picked on me because I wore glasses, was smart (but wouldn’t help them cheat on tests), was super skinny, and then I wore golden sneakers in 6th grade.
The laundry list of things that my family and I were different just grew and grew. I didn’t have a father in my life, lived with my grandparents, and we didn’t have a lot of money.
I just wanted to fit in. I didn’t want to stand out and be different. I knew that I was different enough on the inside. I also knew that I saw the world differently than others.
I could write up a story in a blink of an eye and often looked inward. All of these differences put a barrier between me and the kids my age.
I tried so hard to fit in, but I just wanted to belong. I wanted to find a group of similar kids who had gone through what I had and had that unspoken connection.
Back in the ‘80s, we didn’t have the internet or tools to connect with people. I had my three friends on the block, and that was it.
Even now that I’m older, there are still times when I feel like an outsider and that I don’t fit into a group. I feel like a third wheel, and yet there are other times that I just click with some people.
I’ve heard people like about “finding your tribe” and the importance of that. On the one hand, I think that’s important to do, but I also think it’s necessary that we step outside our comfort zone and interact with others different than ourselves.
Not everyone thinks and feels like I do, and that’s a good thing.
Over the years, I have built up a network of friends who I trust and feel a sense of belonging with in life. We just get each other and give each other space to be.
Have you ever felt disconnected and longed to be part of something bigger than yourself?
What do you do when you feel that way?
For me, I like to start with the basics. If I’m not accepting of myself, then there’s no way others can accept me. I focus first on my self-esteem and take care of my own needs. When I feel grounded and sure in myself, then I can connect with others.
I look at it this way: If I’m hungry, tired, or angry, how can I be a good friend to anyone? I need first to be well. If I’m having a problem, then I need to take care of myself or get help.
As a kid and a teenager, I longed to be taken into a group and loved. I so wanted that.
But what I didn’t understand back then is that the key to belonging starts with the self first.
If I embrace myself and love myself for all my quirks and faults, then others will truly see me. And yes, even with gold sneakers on.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.