There are people in our lives that we need to either avoid or have strong boundaries when we interact with them. As adult children of alcoholics or having grown up in a dysfunctional family, we tend to take on more responsibility than necessary as that’s what we did as kids.
Maybe we helped our moms deal with their emotional problems or worked harder around the house, or maybe we took care of our younger siblings.
In my years, I’ve come across people who try to suck our energy from us. They try to put their emotional baggage on us so that they feel better without their having made any changes in their life.
Such a relationship can be draining and unhealthy for us.
And if we tend to be the person who unloads our problems on others, but does not listen and be empathetic toward others, then it’s time that we face who we are.
I am responsible for me.
You are responsible for you.
Together we can build a relationship on mutual respect and trust.
But that’s not how dysfunctional relationships work, and I’ve had my share of problems over the years with people trying to try to control me or use me as an emotional dumping ground. Or worse, some people I have known act as a psychic vampire and drain you of your energy. These individuals are constantly needy and pile on their problems with you and like you around because they can have you be at their beck and call.
As adults, we do not have to play any of those roles any longer. We have the freedom and can leave relationships that are unhealthy for us.
I have seen friends admit that they have a drinking problem and then are stuck when they realize that their friends aren’t going to change their behavior. If the group used to go out and drink the night away, someone who is now sober has a difficult choice to make: They might need to leave some of their friends behind and create new relationships.
We fall into patterns in our daily lives, and shaking those patterns up can be frightening and difficult.
The so-called friends who only want to use you will try to keep you pinned down and want you to stay within the confines of a familiar box. Choosing to break out of unhealthy relationships can be hard and lonely as you struggle to find your way.
If you are in an unhealthy relationship (friendship, marriage, family), the hardest thing to do is to know what to do.
But the first step, though it might be the hardest, can be the most beneficial in the long run: Admit you have a problem and that the situation has become unmanageable.
Then ask yourself what you can do to fix the problem?
Are you seeing a therapist? Do you go to Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings?
Remember, the first step only needs to be admitting that you do have unhealthy relationships.
One step at a time.
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