Growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family, I often felt like I didn’t have enough guidance on how to act in social situations and I often had no clue how to be in a healthy relationship.
But at an early age, my brother and I realized that we needed to take care of ourselves.
No one could save us. We had to save ourselves.
I grew up watching TV and reading fairy tales, but what I didn’t like is how weak many of the heroines were in the stories. They waited for their prince to save them.
That’s not going to happen in our lives. Someone isn’t going to come in and swoop us away to take care of all of our problems. That’s not how life works.
Your spouse won’t save you, neither can your work, your family, or your friends.
If you give up your own power and give it to others, then you’ll forever be trapped by their whims and influences.
When they’re up, you up. But when they’re down, you’re down.
Building a life with strong boundaries and choosing to live each day for yourself is hard.
There have been many times in my life where I tried to fix others. I wanted to help them, be there for them, and soon an unhealthy and codependent relationship formed.
I can’t fix your problems. And you can’t fix mine.
We need to learn the skills to accept who we are today, embrace that, and work toward embracing our lives one day at a time.
I encourage lifelong learning. School is great, but there is a lot of work we can do on our own and through our communities.
The skills that we need to strengthen are ones we most likely already have—we might not use them often enough.
Here’s one to think about for today: Learn to say no.
How is that a skill that will help save us?
The two-letter word is one of the most powerful we can utter. On the flip side, the word “yes” is its twin.
When you listen to what you want and practice building boundaries, you will need to say "no” to people and things. That’s hard.
But if you want to save yourself, learning how to practice saying no is a key skill.
If we continually say yes to everything that people want of us, we’ll not have time to rest, eat, sleep, and play. We need certain things to stay healthy and centered.
In an alcoholic and dysfunctional family, you might have been asked to take on more responsibility and that habit might be ingrained within. Or conversely, you might have always said yes to every impulse you ever had. Learning to say no might be difficult because creating healthy limits might not be something you’ve had to practice before.
If you want to be happy, knowing that no one can save or rescue you is key. And right after that is understanding the need to say no. Sometimes you will need to tell others that you’re unable to do what they ask, and at other times you might need to do the same with your own wishes. Delaying gratification sometimes is necessary.
The challenge is learning when to say no.
When in doubt, keep in mind this simple question: Is this healthy for me?
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.