Let’s do an exercise together. Let’s close our eyes and imagine that we are kids again. Let’s think about our childhoods and allow for the memories of the past to wash over us. For me, I can remember the fear, uncertainty, and feeling of abandonment that I felt. I also felt like I had a great burden on my shoulders as a kid.
With the abuse that happened in my household and then the struggle to move forward into the unknown.
What do you remember of your childhood? If you also grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family, how did you feel?
If you’ve not read Charles Whitfield’s book Healing the Child Within, I recommend that you pick up a copy. In order to move forward in our lives, we need to come to terms with our past. We cannot go back and change how we were treated or abandoned, but we can learn to come to terms with our past and choose a healthy path forward.
When we come to terms with our past pain and embrace it, we can free ourselves from the trauma we experienced and learn how to make healthier decisions.
I have seen children of alcoholics become alcoholics themselves or exhibit addictive behavior. I’ve also seen (and experienced) the repetition of dysfunctional behaviors. I did not have my father in my life from around the time I was six or seven years old. For a long time, I kept trying to “fix” my past by getting involved with people who were not there for me emotionally.
I kept trying to heal the wounds of my past by connecting with people who were not emotionally available for me. And worse, I thought that I could become complete and whole by trying to “save” or “change” someone else. The cycle of dysfunction is hard to accept, and I have felt much shame with how I have acted over the years.
If you have found yourself in similar situations, you are not alone. You are not broken. The challenge is to accept your past, embrace it, and then let it go. We are adults today and we can make new choices and choose healthier decisions.
Our bodies need healthy food, solid sleep, exercise, and love. First, we are responsible for our own well being. It is not another person’s job to save us. We need to rescue ourselves.
To do that, we have work to do. For today, write out your experiences as a child—or if that time was too traumatic, talk with your therapist about that time. Next, take a moment to think back and embrace that memory of yourself as a child. You may not have had the help you needed as a child, but now you have all you need.
Give yourself a hug, roll your sleeves up and let’s get to work.
Where to start?
Let’s focus on self-care and give yourself the time to love yourself. By building a solid foundation of self-love and acceptance, you can learn to let go of your past and be free of it. The chains will drop, but the process takes time. Please be easy on yourself.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.