You cannot change the past. You cannot go back and fixed how you were raised, decisions that your parents made (or didn’t make), and the problems you lived through cannot be erased.

If a parent hurt you (or both of your parents), there is no way to go back in time and undo the damage.

You might want an apology or see that the person who hurt you have changed, but that might never happen.

In listening to my morning meditation, Oprah talked about this quote from inspiration speaker Iyanla Vanzant: “There’s no greater battle in life than the battle between the parts of you that want to be healed and the parts of you that are comfortable and content being broken.”

That’s a really difficult thought to process.

For many years, I looked for healing and validation from external sources. As simple as it sounds, I had always wanted my father to come back to us and say that he loved us and that he had fixed all his problems. All I wanted was to be loved and to have a happy family.

When I grew older, I knew that my father wouldn’t come back, but then I tried to find healing and wholeness through relationships. I would fall in love and mistakenly think that all my problems would be solved because I found love.

Let’s do an exercise together. Let’s close our eyes and imagine that we are kids again. Let’s think about our childhoods and allow for the memories of the past to wash over us. For me, I can remember the fear, uncertainty, and feeling of abandonment that I felt. I also felt like I had a great burden on my shoulders as a kid.