Did you get upset in reading what I wrote for day 227?
As a reminder: You are complete and whole as you are.
I did not write that you are perfect. We all make mistakes. And understanding the difference between shame and guilt is critical in your journey of self-discovery.
Shame researcher Brené Brown has a great podcast to learn more about the difference between shame and guilt. I recommend that you take the time to listen to her Unlocking Us podcast (the Shame and Accountability episode).
Here is an example of the two:
Shame: I’m an idiot because I screwed up.
Guilt: I made a mistake and screwed up.
People can cast shame on you and call you an idiot, and you’ll get that embarrassed feeling that rushes through your body.
With shame, we want to rid ourselves of that because it’s not helpful. On the other hand, guilt is helpful because we all make mistakes.
When we look at the phrase “we are complete and whole as we are,” that’s true. And when we make a mistake in life (as we all do), we can see that the mistake is something that we can correct or fix (or just let go).
What we did wrong isn’t intrinsically tied into our belief on whether we are complete and whole.
Do you see the difference?
If someone has been sober for three months and then has a relapse, they made a mistake that can be corrected. When they had a drink, that didn’t mean that they were bad or useless or (fill in the blank here).
Understanding our wholeness and living with that feeling each day can be challenging because adult children of alcoholics tend to personalize our experiences. We grew up in a family where bad things happen and often were either directly (or indirectly) blamed for the things that went wrong.
Separating what happened to us as kids and seeing how we are complete and whole helps us grow.
When you love yourself and are happy with whom you are, then you’re not trying to “level up” or try to re-invent yourself to be something that you’re not.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.