We talked about how to use what you have learned to find a way to be a better person. First, we talked about using the skills you learned and practicing them every day. And then we talked about how you can use them to help yourself each day. But I think what was really special is that last Tuesday you agreed to go on the trip.
You don’t remember talking about that?
I ensure you that you agreed to go. You were in the car and we were talking and you said that you would go. I think that maybe because we were in the car that you may have not have been fully listening. But you did say that you would go.
Stop.
Do you see what I did here? Are you reading this and saying, “What in the world is he talking about?”
I wanted to show you a simple example of gaslighting. When someone tries to psychologically manipulate you into believing something that isn’t true, and they construct stories to make you start to question your memories of an event.
I’ve seen gaslighting take place in people’s workplaces and in romantic relationships.
If you’re not prepared, you might start to question yourself and eventually give in to the person trying to manipulate you.
Vox has a good article on spotting gaslighting in relationships and how to stop it.
Some early warning signs are when one person in the relationship says things such as: “It’s no big deal” or “you’re hysterical” or a nasty one “there you go again!”
These subtle phrases eat away at a person’s self-esteem and cause them to question their own abilities.
Gaslighting can destroy a relationship and is often a sign of an imbalance of power.
What is most troubling is that the person whittles down a person over time. The manipulator might continue to say a lie again and again until it’s believed.
When you are aware of what gaslighting is, you can protect yourself from it (and stop it).
If you suspect that you are being gaslit, I recommend getting help. Talk with a close friend about what you’re feeling and allow yourself to address the problem in a safe environment. You’ll need to build up your self-esteem and to pull yourself out of the dynamic.
It might seem hard, but your freedom is worth the effort. As you go about your day, watch and listen and see if you’re being gaslit. You might be amazed to learn that you are and never thought about it.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.