All my life I have felt different and apart from others. In growing up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family, the way I deal with stress and problems is different from others. I’ve always felt apart, alone, and could not understand why so many other people did not seem to have the same problems that I did as I grew up.
There isn’t much I can do to go back in time, but even in my adult life, I go about life differently.
Over the years, I’ve had struggles in some of the simplest of situations. When I’ve attended parties over the years, it’s been challenging to be at such events. Where I’ve seen friends enjoy parties, those events would trigger fear and worry in me. I’ve seen people abuse alcohol at parties and seen fights break out and other worrying behavior.
For me, drinking too much meant yelling and lots of other problems that were wrapped up with both emotional and physical abuse.
When I look back at my life, some of the best times I’ve had is going to a diner with other members of an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. It was good to know that I could attend a meeting and then go share a meal with people who grew up in similar dysfunctional family situations as I did.
These days, especially during the pandemic, more and more people are using alcohol to numb themselves from the stress and worry of what we’re living through. I’ve seen ads online pushing for more drinking and to joke about excessive drinking.
I have worked hard to stay away from such behavior. In college, I didn’t drink to excess like many of my classmates. I had too many horrible memories that I’ve had to live with over the years.
Being around people who drink too much and then act out, causes me to close up and want to walk away. I want nothing to do with such behavior. Taking shots, playing drinking games—none of that is fun for me. Instead, I just remember horrible times as a kid and I want nothing more than to go the other way.
I expect that I’ll always feel this way, and I’ve come to accept that this is who I am.
What makes me different is essential to what I believe and my values.
For a long time, I thought that something was wrong with me, but now I’ve learned to embrace that which makes me different.
When you go about your day today, how do you feel? Do you often feel different and can’t connect with others in certain social situations?
If you do feel that way, know that you’re not alone. Others are out there like you, and you need not be alone.
Just because others might abuse alcohol doesn’t mean that you need to put up with such behavior. You can set your own path.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.