As adult children of alcoholics, we are hard on ourselves. Really hard.

But we can change that by taking a step back and having some time to reflect.

A few weeks back, a colleague of mine posted a message on our group’s message board, a thought that caught me off guard. She shared that she discovered that other people don’t have an inner dialogue with themselves throughout the day.

I couldn’t believe that.

From my perspective, I’m talking to myself within my head all the time. I make decisions that way by running through the pros and cons of a situation, and I was confused as to how other people are operating throughout the day.

Another colleague shared that they see pictures in their head (shapes mostly) and don’t “hear” words.

Consciousness and how we interact with the world are much more unique than I had expected. Wrongly, I had assumed that everyone was “hearing” their thoughts.

But that’s not necessarily the case as each person is different and has their own experiences.

So, to circle this back around, what can we do to be easier on ourselves?

We’re used to how we are and often fall into the same patterns of how we respond to stress, anxiety, and pain.

Yet what if we challenged our assumptions and took the time to write down how we feel? Or to draw our emotions out on the page?

Coming in touch with our feelings, accepting them, and allowing ourselves the freedom to just be is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves.

Be compassionate to yourself. Be kind. Be loving.

How?

If you’re going through a difficult time, parring back on the negative thoughts will be helpful.

Take those negative thoughts and the frightened child part of you and be compassionate. That could be mean allowing yourself time to talk your feelings out or to writing about them in a journal.

As a child, I often reacted to the situations around me and fell into that patterns as I moved into adulthood. If someone triggered a sore spot in my armor, I’d react.

Now I’m taking the time to be more compassionate and loving toward myself. I admit when a situation is triggering to me and listen to what my body needs.

Want an example?

If I’m out at a party and people are drinking way in excess than I’m comfortable with, that situation often triggers lots of bad memories for me. Instead of just reacting as I normally would (and getting upset), I now run through some options:

Leave the party early.
Stay but create distance among certain guests.
Decide that I’m fine and keep checking in on myself every 30 minutes or so.

If we give ourselves space to think and relax, the answer will come to us.

But that’s the challenge, isn’t it?

We might be so outward focused that we’ve not given ourselves the compassion we desperately need.

Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.