Day 272: Being Whole

Day 272: Being Whole

I’ve talked about wholeness before. But I want to look at being whole from a different perspective. I grew up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home and for a long time I felt broken and that something was wrong with me. I didn’t seem to have the same type of life as others, and I knew that my family life was different from my friends’.

Through therapy, self-help books like Healing the Child Within, and attending Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, I found a way to become whole and realized my potential.

Day 271: Don't Give Up Now

Day 271: Don't Give Up Now

Do you want to give up? Are you tired, exhausted, and have had enough?

If we look back at the last year, I don’t even know where to begin. It’s funny because I thought that 2020 was going to be such a great year. And maybe it is for some, but for tens of millions of people, this year has brought the coronavirus pandemic, more than 56 million Americans have lost their jobs, protests in the streets, and a presidential election campaign like no other.

Day 269: When You're the Parent

Day 269: When You're the Parent

I knew at an early age that I wanted to grow up and be a father. Although my father wasn’t there for me, I wanted to have kids and to be a father. I didn’t want to be a distant father but wanted to make certain that my kids had me there in their lives. The choice of whether to become a parent is not an easy one.

If alcoholism and dysfunction marred your childhood, there’s a moment when you need to make a decision on whether being a parent is right for you. Maybe you decided not to become a parent, and maybe you did.

Day 268: Dealing with a Parent Who Is an Alcoholic

Day 268: Dealing with a Parent Who Is an Alcoholic

I’ve heard all sorts of stories over the years, and it’s pretty much the same thing. A child of an alcoholic dreads going home for the holidays or taking in an alcoholic parent when they get older.

Time and time again, the person tries their best to move on with their life, but eventually gets sucked back into the drama, the dysfunction, and chaos. How do you interact with your alcoholic parent?

Day 267: Beware of Self-Sabotage

Day 267: Beware of Self-Sabotage

When you arrive at the door of success, do you walk through it? Or are you afraid? When you are presented with new opportunities, what will you decide to do?

We are often more comfortable with dysfunction because that’s how we grew up. When situations are normalized and we have an opportunity to grow and be free, the temptation to fall back on the tried-and-true responses from our childhood can be strong.

Day 264: Restarting

Day 264: Restarting

Sometimes it’s a good idea to take a step back, reassess, and then start over again. Our recovery from growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family is a lifelong process. How we handle ourselves under pressure, stress, and challenges can be tested on a daily basis.

On a personal level, I had a difficult last few days. I’m looking for a new job and living through the coronavirus pandemic. I’ve been stressed out, tired, and feeling overwhelmed.

Day 263: When Is the Last Time You Gave Someone a Hug?

Day 263: When Is the Last Time You Gave Someone a Hug?

Science has shown that hugging is good for you, but when was the last time you’ve given someone a hug? As we get older, adults tend to hug less and less. I wonder why that is.

When I look back on my life, I don’t remember when my father last hugged me. I grew up in an Italian family, and the women in my family always gave great hugs. Although my grandmother has passed on more than 17 years ago, I can close my eyes and still feel her hugs. My mother is also a good hugger.

Day 262: Forgive Yourself

Day 262: Forgive Yourself

Today’s work might be harder than you think. Go to a mirror, look in, and say, “I forgive myself.”

Say the words, mean them, and look yourself right in the eye.

I look back at my life and shake my head at some of the stupid things I did. I argued with people I loved because I didn’t want to be abandoned. I clung on to unhealthy relationships because I didn’t want to be alone. I lashed out at family members and projected my anger onto them. The list goes on and on.

Day 261: You Can’t Get Something from Someone That They Can't Give

Day 261: You Can’t Get Something from Someone That They Can't Give

Why do we keep going back to people who can’t give us what we want?

Would we keep going back to a well that had no water in it?

It’s a hard lesson to learn and one that many adult children of alcoholics or those who grew up in dysfunctional families struggle with time and time again.

Day 257: When It's All Too Much

Day 257: When It's All Too Much

Two nights ago I sat at my computer and worked on my next book when suddenly I heard a loud noise from outside. I rushed downstairs and sat that an enormous branch had broken off from the massive tree on my lawn. Thankfully, no one was hurt. With the sun having set my family and I came inside and I tried not to think about how much money it would cost to have the debris taken away.