Let Go and Be Free
Discover tips on self-healing, overcome a dysfunctional childhood and find happiness.
The fourth step of Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous is:
“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
When we take stock of ourselves, it’s important to be honest and open. We need to see if we’re treating other right and if we’re doing the same with ourselves.
No matter if you want to practice the twelve steps of Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous or not, is important as all of us need to reset our compass and see where we’re at in our lives.
I have fallen in love with being in love, but what I’ve learned over the years is that I tend to be attracted to a certain type of personality. The person is exciting, creative, interesting, and there’s an enormous amount of connection between me and the person, but then the relationship fizzles out.
As I tried to figure my way through my earlier romantic relationships, I kept picking partners who could not be there for me emotionally or psychologically.
Today I’d like you to take a journey with me. We’re going to put aside our normal reflections and we’re going to take a walk through the forest. If you’re lucky enough to get outside and go for a walk in the outdoors, then I invite you to do so.
If you’re not able to get out, then I have you covered. I’d like to share with you a more than 3 hour video I found of walking through a forest. Our goal today is to imagine that we’re out of our home, taking a walk through a beautiful forest, and reconnecting with nature.
Yesterday my family and I went tubing out on the river with another family. Each of us sat in our round tube and floated down the Delaware River.
At one point, the river split into two paths. Two members of our group went left and the rest of us stayed right. I was in the group that went right. I had tried to go left, but the current was too strong.
It’s not your fault. What isn’t your fault? It’s not your fault that a parent drank too much, or that hit you, or abused. It’s not your fault that they did drugs or lied or cheated or a whole host of things.
I’m not quite sure why we take on the mantle of responsibility and think that we are at fault. Maybe we were told that it was our fault, and that stayed with us all through the years.
A message of cruelty that wove its way into our heart, took hold, and then we looked to the darkness as truth.
When people are hurting, they lash out. This does not condone their behavior or forgive it, but it might help us better understand.
When a wounded animal is corned, it will attack. At our most primal level, we are animals. We are homo sapiens. To rise up and cast off the shame, fear, and blame is not easy to do.
We need to unlearn the messages and coded behaviors that helped form our personalities.
But it’s not impossible.
It’s not your fault.
As you go about your day, you can define what you are responsible for and what you aren’t. Setting those boundaries between you and another can get murky at times.
It’s not your fault.
And the message that I want to share with you today is: You cannot save them.
You couldn’t save them back then, and you can’t save them today.
The only person you are responsible for is you.
You can save yourself.
That’s where each of us needs to focus our energy.
Like what you’ve read? Be sure to check out my other posts in my Let Go and Be Free blog.
You might feel guilt from what happened in your childhood home. An alcoholic or dysfunctional parent caused all sorts of chaos in your family and surviving that may bring up all sorts of emotions and feelings.
Guilt might be one of them.
Maybe you thought you could save or help someone in your family.
What role did you play in your alcoholic/dysfunctional family?
Were you the hyper-vigilant and responsible one? Did you withdraw and hide? Or were you the joker and rebellious?
Understanding the role you played in your family and comparing that to your role today will help you decide where you want to go on your journey of self-healing.
I’ve talked about wholeness before. But I want to look at being whole from a different perspective. I grew up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home and for a long time I felt broken and that something was wrong with me. I didn’t seem to have the same type of life as others, and I knew that my family life was different from my friends’.
Through therapy, self-help books like Healing the Child Within, and attending Adult Children of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, I found a way to become whole and realized my potential.
