Day 212: Compassion and Empathy for Others

Day 212: Compassion and Empathy for Others

I wish people would take more time to be compassionate and empathetic. Ego, selfishness, and concern for ourselves and for only those who believe what we believe are the rule of the day.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family and went through some really difficult times as a kid. What has helped me to grow is learning about the world outside my house?

Thirty years ago I traveled to France to take part in a three-week study abroad program. I took a loan out from the bank and my mom cosigned the loan for me. I was a teenager at the time and I paid every cent back to her.

When I went overseas, I quickly realized that my way wasn’t the only way. Parisians dressed, talked, and ate differently.

I learned and experienced a whole new culture. While I studied in Paris, the people I met there took me in, embraced me, and were even willing to speak English when my French failed me.

Decades have passed and much has changed with the world. But I imagine how horribly we are today to people not like us.

When we see someone who doesn’t speak English, we don’t make an effort to communicate with them in their language. We actively see other people as wrong and hurtful. We are all filled with our prejudices and lock ourselves within silos and are comfortable living there.

Go volunteer to feed breakfast to the homeless one day. Or take part in a community celebration that is based on a different tradition or religion that you are part of. Step out of your normal life and open up yourself to be compassionate and empathetic.

I have seen many people call themselves Christians, but they do not act like Christians. What I always admired about the stories of Jesus in the bible is that He embraced the downtrodden. He helped the poor and the sick. He championed those in need.

When I have stepped out of my shell and opened my mind, I’ve grown to be a better person. To have compassion and empathy do not make me weak.

Last year I volunteered at a homeless shelter a few days before Thanksgiving and helped serve food to people in need. The line for a hot plate of food stretched halfway down the block. I greeted people of all races and religions and helped them find a seat and a plate of food. When they spilled their coffee, I helped them clean it up.

And as I did so, so many people turned to me and asked for a paper towel. The organizer told me that I had to be careful because I would soon give out all the paper towels and have none left for the staff. Something as simple as a paper towel was treated like gold for the people I served that day.

To have compassion and empathy helps us see that we are all part of the same human race. I make mistakes, as do you. We are not perfect.

But our ability to be empathetic and compassionate is not endless. We need to remember our boundaries. If we do not take care of ourselves, how can we help another? The same is true with compassion and empathy. We need to be compassionate and empathetic to ourselves too.

I invite you to take a step out of your comfort zone and go explore your world. Can you volunteer at your church or at a homeless shelter? Can you attend a different religious service? Or go to a community event that celebrates a different culture than what you grew up in?

Love, be compassionate and have empathy.

The world so needs more of these things.

Day 211: Loving Yourself

Day 211: Loving Yourself

If there’s one thing that I wish I would have known earlier, it would be the importance of loving yourself. I spent a lot of time and energy looking to love someone else. And as a teenager and in my early twenties, I thought that if I could find someone to love that they would complete me.

The scene in the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire stands out to me: Tom Cruise tells Renée Zellweger “You complete me.” It’s a great romantic moment, but I wouldn’t recommend you take this advice to heart.

Day 210: The Power of Dreams

Day 210: The Power of Dreams

I woke up with a start this morning as I had had an intense stress dream. I dreamed that I was stuck inside a clothing store and it had begun to rain heavily outside. I couldn’t get out of the store and I had to find a way to escape.

Dreams can be a way for our subconscious to work through the stresses of our daily lives and they can signal what we are struggling with in life.

Day 208: Let Hope Be Your Lifeline

Day 208: Let Hope Be Your Lifeline

Negativity begets more negativity. When you hope, new opportunities are created that allow you to grow beyond the problems you have in your life.

But a former prisoner of war James Stockdale has some important words to share about hope: “You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose —with the discipline
to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

Day 207: Screw Guilt

Day 207: Screw Guilt

Dysfunctional and alcoholic families love guilt. Guilt is a way to control you or for a way for you to control someone else. Do you use guilt to get your way? Or does someone use guilt to make you do something for them?

The work that we need to do each day is to separate ourselves from someone else’s problems. Their problems are not ours. We are not responsible to prop someone up, to fix someone, or to save someone.

We are responsible for ourselves.

Day 206: The Importance of Rest

Day 206: The Importance of Rest

Take time to rest today. If you’re reading this book as a new reflection each day, I expect that you could easily become overwhelmed. I know I am because I have to come up with the topics and write the sections each day.

There are some days when I get up and feel drained. Today is one of those days. I had a lot to do yesterday, and I worked on keeping my boundaries strong. By the end of the day, I felt tired, cranky, and just wanted to go to bed.

Day 205: Struggling

Day 205: Struggling

You are going to have days when you fail and struggle. When that happens, the question is: What are you going to do next? Will you give up or will you pick yourself up and trying again?

As you continue on your journey of self-healing, you will notice patterns in your life. For me, I know when I can handle different pressures and problems of life. But what’s hardest for me is to back off and give myself time to relax and rest.

Day 204: Small Steps and Continuous Improvement

Day 204: Small Steps and Continuous Improvement

When I try to take on too much at once, I fail. No matter how much I might want to move forward and solve a problem, it’s not always possible to make major leaps and bounds. If I want to run a marathon, I don’t get up and run 26.2 miles. I need to train for months. If I want to write a book, it takes me months to do so.

Day 201: A Brand New Day

Day 201: A Brand New Day

I write this as my city has just left quarantine due to the coronavirus. My family and I were in lockdown for more than 80 days. Now we are starting to come out of our home amid a changing world. The last two weeks have been a hard one for America. Massive protests about the death of George Floyd in Minneapolis have spread out across the globe.

When I take a step back and look at the world, I see that we’re still in the midst of a pandemic and now there’s been a big push for social change.

Day 200: Yes

Day 200: Yes

Well, you’ve made it to day 200. We have a lot to celebrate but before I end this book; I have one more resource to share with you. I like to keep my mind open and I never quite know when the next inspiration will strike me or where I can learn something new to help me on my journey.

Earlier this week, my high came to my wife, and me and asked us to watch a YouTube video with him. He mentioned to us that his psychology teacher had asked the class to watch and our son thought we would enjoy it.

Day 198: Create Good Habits

Day 198: Create Good Habits

We’re coming to the end of this book and this part of our journey together. I hope that the skills, topics, and stories that I have shared with you are helpful to you for your journey of self-discovery.

Today I want to talk about habits. As a child, I grew up in an alcoholic and dysfunctional family. The behaviors that I saw around me affected me in how I interacted with other people but created a cycle of dysfunction. I emulated the learned behavior and repeated that in my own relationships.