Let Go and Be Free
Discover tips on self-healing, overcome a dysfunctional childhood and find happiness.
As a kid, I lived in a dysfunctional household and I swore that I would do everything within my power to never put my kids through a similar environment. What I didn’t understand though is how pervasive and destructive an alcoholic/dysfunctional environment could be.
I went from feeling powerless as a kid to growing up and wanting to control my environment. I became what I feared the most.
As I go about my day, my brain starts telling me stories. Let’s see if any of these ring a bell for you:
Things are going to be a lot harder than what you’re planning for.
This challenge you’re up against is really hard.
You’re not special.
I have many years that I spent as a kid trying to figure out what “normal” was and trying to compare my family life to those of my friends’.
I’m really bad at taking time to play and have fun. Normally, I load up all the work I need to do, throw myself all into that, and then have a few moments of fun, and then the day is over. I get a lot of work done, but I often put other people’s needs in front of my own. That’s not a good thing to do as I experience burnout and have also had to deal with resentment.
A better path would be to carve time out each day
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family or are living in one now, you might be in a virtual prison but don’t even know it. Does your family build you up or try to belittle you?
Do you have infinite possibilities in front of you or are you being held back?
The psychological bonds among family members within an alcoholic/dysfunctional family are complex and can be damaging to your well-being.
Part of the challenge those of us who grew up in alcoholic and dysfunctional families is navigating who we love and who loves us. As kids, we might have had parents who could not love us unconditionally due to addiction. Maybe they withheld love from us unless we went along with what they wanted, or they went through mood swings (loving us one moment and then getting angry at us minutes later).
You are enough. Your self-esteem is critical to your well-being. Having grown up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, I struggled trying to find validation in the midst of family chaos. Over time that meant I focused on my work and on my relationships to help center me.
Maybe you’ve done the same in the past.
When you are working through the problems you’ve had in growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional home, there are times when everything can feel overwhelming. Add on top of that the challenges of our day-to-day life and you might lose hope.
Sickness and financial problems can add to your worry and doubt.
For many years, I looked for healing and validation from external sources. As simple as it sounds, I had always wanted my father to come back to us and say that he loved us and that he had fixed all his problems. All I wanted was to be loved and to have a happy family.
When I grew older, I knew that my father wouldn’t come back, but then I tried to find healing and wholeness through relationships. I would fall in love and mistakenly think that all my problems would be solved because I found love.
We talked about how to use what you have learned to find a way to be a better person. First, we talked about using the skills you learned and practicing them every day. And then we talked about how you can use them to help yourself each day. But I think what was really special is that last Tuesday you agreed to go on the trip.
